


The Witch, the Warlock, and the King

by AngryPurpleFire



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt Merlin, Magic Revealed, Post-Season/Series 04, Pre-Season/Series 05, Protective Arthur, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-09 16:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17410445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngryPurpleFire/pseuds/AngryPurpleFire
Summary: When Merlin is captured and has his magic stolen by Morgana, he is desperate to return home to his king. Slowly, Merlin begins to wonder where he is more needed- with his king or with the friend he abandoned.





	1. A Dangerous Captivity

**Author's Note:**

> Set between Season 4 and 5. 
> 
> Arthur and Gwen are engaged, but they haven't actually gotten married yet.

Merlin was always so busy watching Arthur’s back, that his own was often left vulnerable. He didn’t see the Saxon soldier come up behind him, but the Saxon saw him. He saw Merlin’s eyes glow gold, making Arthur’s opponent lose their footing. Merlin didn’t see him until it was too late, and the pommel of the Saxon’s sword was slammed against his head. After that, there was only darkness.

 

Merlin awoke a few times on the trip to wherever they were taking him. He wasn’t awake very long- not long enough to escape. He gathered as much information as he could in those short moments of consciousness. He had been captured. From the looks of it, he was the only one who was captured. And from the state of constant unconsciousness they seemed determined to keep him in, it was possible that they also knew of his magic. He wasn’t awake long enough to dread the consequences of that particular piece of information.

 

The next time he awoke, the difference in the atmosphere was immediately apparent. The cold wind was gone, and Merlin swore he could hear the crackling of fire in the distance. Voices spoke around him, but he couldn’t follow them, his own mind still attempting to crawl from the pit of unconsciousness.  

 

_ “We saw… magic… he’s a…” _

 

A few more moments passed by, and Merlin became aware enough to realize he was on his knees. The floor was hard stone, and before him was a throne. It was who sat upon the throne that made him jerk away.

 

_ “Get the… put them…” _

 

And then there was agony. Blinding, pure white, agony. 

 

Merlin heaved in heavy breaths, realizing moments later that he was no longer on his knees. He had fallen at some point, now lying on his side. It was his magic. It was gone. Merlin stared down at the manacles now locked upon both wrists. They burned through his veins and through his insides because it was  _ gone _ . His magic was gone. 

 

Merlin looked up through watery eyes, pain shooting through every part of his body, and saw the face of Morgana Pendragon standing above him, a cruel smile across her lips. Merlin knew, right then, that this was only the beginning.

 

* * *

 

Merlin was startled to consciousness as water was thrown across his body. He tried to move away from the icy puddle forming underneath him, but was stopped by the chains attaching his wrists to the bolt on the floor. There was only a foot or so of chain looped between his wrists and through bolt. It was short enough that he couldn’t stand, forcing him to either kneel or sit on the cold, stone floor. 

 

Merlin, gasping at the chill as the water soaked his clothes, looked up to see Morgana standing outside the bars of his cell. It must have been several hours since he was sent down to his prison. Or maybe it had been days. Merlin didn’t remember falling asleep, but considering how worn he had been, it was not overly surprising. Having his magic taken from him alongside being dragged by a group of Saxons for who knows how long had left him truly and utterly exhausted.

 

Morgana grinned at Merlin’s obvious shock and discomfort. “Good morning.”

 

“Is it?” Merlin glared, trying and failing to keep his teeth from chattering against the cold.

 

Morgana didn’t seem perturbed by Merlin’s response. If anything, her joy seemed only to grow. “Now  _ Merlin.  _ Is that anyway to greet an old friend?”

 

“You’ll have to forgive me if I’m less than courteous at the moment.” Merlin yanked at his chains. “Your hospitality seems be to lacking.”

 

Morgana gave a huff of laughter. She opened the door to his cell and crouched down next to him. She cupped his face in her hand, making Merlin jerk away as much as his chains would allow. “I’m going to enjoy killing you.”

 

Merlin glared at her. “Why haven't you?”

 

“That wouldn’t be any fun, now would it?.” Morgana stood, staring down at him. “I want to make this last.” She took a few steps around the room, circling him. “I was thinking that maybe we would get some company to join us, too.”

 

Merlin’s thought immediately went to Arthur. Merlin hadn’t seen him during his short bouts of consciousness on the way to Morgana’s fortress. Surely she hadn’t captured him, too. Surely he had escaped along with the rest of the patrol.

 

Morgana seemed to know exactly what Merlin was thinking. “I wish Arthur could join us, but considering I have no idea where he is at the moment, I find the likelihood of that happening unfortunately slim.” Admitting this to Merlin had made her frown, but her smile soon returned. “But maybe I’ll go down to Ealdor and bring that mother of yours back here. Hunith, right? That would be fun, wouldn’t it?”

 

Merlin lurched at her, held back by the chains. “You wouldn’t dare.”

 

“I wouldn’t, would I? You hardly seem in a position to stop me.”

 

He closed his eyes. She was right. Without his magic, he had no hope of preventing her from doing anything, but surely she wasn’t cruel enough to consider bringing his mother into this. “Morgana, please. She’s done nothing to you.”

 

“True.” Morgana made her way back towards Merlin. She grabbed his hair in her hand, forcing his to look up at her. The position was both uncomfortable and painful. “But you have caused me more than enough suffering for the both of you.”

 

She walked back to the door to his cell, locking it behind her as she exited. She turned to give him one last grin before walking away.

 

“Morgana!” Merlin cried out, yanking at his chains in a panic. “Leave her be! Please!”

 

There was no response, and soon Morgana out of sight. Merlin breathed heavily, concern for his mother bubbling up within him. There was no way Morgana would get any information on Arthur out of Merlin, assuming that that was what she was after. Even if his mother was on the line, he could not betray his king. His mother would understand that, but it didn’t make it any less painful.

 

* * *

 

It had been two weeks since Morgana’s threats, yet she seemed to have made no move to enact them. Merlin began to wonder if it was all a bluff. A cruel bluff, but a bluff nonetheless.

 

Morgana had taken to making daily trips to his cell. She didn’t always have much to say, nor a purpose for being there. In fact, she rarely did. She probably just enjoyed seeing Merlin so miserable. After a week, the short chain attaching Merlin to the ground had been removed and replaced with an even shorter chain. This chain, however, was not looped through the bolt on the floor. This allowed Merlin to at least move around the room. Being able to stand seemed like a blessing in it of itself.

 

“One of my scouts saw Arthur leaving the area yesterday morning.” Morgana said. She was leaning up against the wall across the Merlin’s cell. “He’s left you.” Merlin didn’t respond, so she pushed further. “After all your loyalty, you’d think he wouldn’t be so quick to abandon you.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “You think I’d expect him to stay in enemy territory trying to find me?” He took a few steps towards the cell door. “It was dangerous enough that he spent as much time as he did searching.”

 

Morgana crossed her arms. “You’re far too loyal to a man like him.”

 

“I disagree.”

 

“I’m sure you do.” She looked away, disinterested. “You always do.”

 

Merlin paced around the cell, something he had begun to do simply to alleviate the boredom. “Arthur’s a good man. I wouldn’t expect you to understand that, though.”

 

“You call a man that would slaughter innocent people good?” Morgana counters, taking a step towards the cell.

 

“It is Uther who has blinded him when it comes to magic.”

 

“And you think that’s an excuse?”

 

“No, of course not, but considering the fact that he has seen no reason to believe otherwise, I’d say his assumptions are pretty fair.”

 

“You could have told him about your own magic.”

 

Merlin closes his eyes. “I wanted to, but-”

 

“But you didn’t.” Morgana interrupted. “Because you knew he would kill you if he knew the truth.” 

 

Merlin shook his head, but he didn’t argue. 

 

It was quiet for several long moments. 

 

“You could have told me.”

 

Merlin looked up at Morgana. “I wish I had.”

 

“I needed you.” Morgana pressed. “I had no one. You were the only person I told. You were the only person who believed me. I guess now I understand why. But you still didn’t help me.”

 

Merlin closed his eyes. “I know.”

 

“Why didn’t you?” She didn’t seem as angry as she had been only moments ago, merely curious.

 

“I was scared.” Merlin turned away. “I had been warned about you. I couldn’t risk you turning on me.”

 

She scoffed. “I was scared, too.”

 

“I know.” It was all he could say. “If I could change things, I would.”

 

“Well,” Morgana began, taking a step away from the wall. “You can’t.” She turned and stalked out of the cells, leaving Merlin alone once again.

 

* * *

 

“Would you care to join me for a meal?” Morgana stood next to the door to his cell, key in hand. She inserted the key into the lock and opened the door wide. 

 

The question made Merlin raise an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

 

“A meal.” Morgana repeated, looking vaguely annoyed. “It’s where you eat food.”

 

“Yes. Thank you. I’m aware.” Merlin huffed. “You’ll have to forgive me if I’m less than interested in getting anything from you.”

 

Her eyes darkened. “That wasn’t a request.”

 

Still, Merlin did not move from his place on the ground, leaning against the wall with his bound wrists in his lap. “Sure sounded like one to me.”

 

Morgana looked down the hall and made a gesturing motion. Two of Morgana’s soldiers came into Merlin’s view and into the cell. Merlin stood in an attempt to make more distance between himself and the guards to no avail. They grabbed his arms and forced him out of the cell. 

 

They dragged him through the stronghold, following Morgana, until they finally reached a room holding a long dining table filled with an array of different foods. It reminded Merlin of the dinners Arthur used to share with Morgana and his father before she turned her back on them.

 

“Leave us.” Morgana commanded. The soldiers released Merlin’s arms and exited the room. Morgana took a seat at one end of the table and gestured towards the empty seat on the far end across from her. “Well?”

 

Merlin could find no reason to bother refusing her at this point, and he didn’t want to risk Morgana calling her men back to force him into the chair. With a silent sigh, Merlin pulled the chair back and sat in it.

 

Morgana smiled. “Hungry?”

 

Merlin didn’t respond, though he was indeed very hungry. He hadn’t eaten since yesterday, and even then, it was only a stale chunk of bread. It was enough to sate his stomach for the time being, but not enough to satisfy him entirely. 

 

Morgana didn’t seem deterred by his lack of response. “Go ahead. I promise it’s not poisoned.” Merlin winced at that, though she didn’t acknowledge it. “It’s the only food you’ll be getting today, so I suggest you take advantage of it.”

 

Morgana placed a grape from her own plate into her mouth. After a long moment, Merlin finally reached forward to grab a piece of what looked like chicken off his plate. He chewed it slowly, which was difficult to manage with how truly starving he was. Morgana gave a small, satisfied smile before continuing her own meal. They ate in silence for several minutes before Morgana finally broke it.

 

“How have you found your accommodations?”

 

Merlin looked up. “They’re lovely.” His tone was flat and filled with sarcasm.

 

“I’m glad to hear it.” Morgana took a long sip of her wine.

 

Merlin shook his head, incredulous. “What is this?”

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “I thought we already went over this?”

 

“Not the food, Morgana.” Merlin said, annoyance leaking through his voice. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“I thought you might enjoy something to eat.”

 

“Why am I not dead?” Merlin countered, ignoring her previous reply entirely. “You said you would kill me, yet here I am.”

 

“If you really want to die, rest assure I can make sure that happens.” Morgana starred at Merlin, waiting for a response. When she didn’t get one, she continued. “I’ve decided you are of better use to me alive. Arthur is sentimental. I could easily use you against him.”

 

Merlin’s jaw clenched. “I won’t let you hurt him.”

 

Morgana smiled. “Oh, Merlin. You can’t stop me.”

 

“He’s not stupid, Morgana.” Merlin glared at Morgana. “He won’t walk into a trap just because of me.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Merlin. Arthur will play right into my hand.” 

 

As much as Merlin wanted to argue this, he knew that Arthur would not abandon him, no matter how much the odds were against him. The thought terrified Merlin far more than it comforted him.

 

“I won’t let you hurt him.” Merlin repeated, more to himself than Morgana.

 

Morgana smiled to herself, taking another sip of wine. “You keep telling yourself that.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Merlin was taken back to his cell not long after that conversation. As much as he loathed being in Morgana’s company, he couldn’t help but dislike being back in his cage. At least at dinner he could pretend that he wasn’t just a prisoner. Being in a cell, however, made that particular piece of truth hard to deny. 

 

It had been three weeks since Merlin was brought to Morgana. If Arthur hadn’t found him by now, he was never going to be found. It didn’t help that he was being held outside of Camelot’s territory. Not only did Arthur have to abandon the search personally, but he couldn’t send patrols out into the area either. Merlin couldn’t rely on Arthur finding him. He’d have to get out of this himself. 

 

“So  _ you’re  _ Morgana’s prized prisoner we keep hearing about.” Merlin was jerked out of his thoughts by the gruff voice. Outside of his cell stood two of Morgana’s soldiers. One of them, the one which had spoken, had the key to his cell in his hand. Where he had gotten it, Merlin had no idea. “What makes you so special?”

 

Merlin stood from his place on the ground but said nothing. The soldier didn’t seem to expect a response, though. 

 

“Rumor has it you’re the pet of that good for nothing Camelot king.” The key slid into the lock and turned. Merlin considered trying to make a run for it but knew he wouldn’t get far without his magic. “You see,” the door creaked open, allowing the two men to enter his cell. “It was the king of Camelot that took my child from me. It was the king of Camelot that burned her alive.”

 

Merlin shook his head, backing away from the impending men. “That was Uther, not Arthur. Arthur hasn’t burned any sorcerers since becoming king, much less children.”

 

The man shrugged, continuing the step forward. “Perhaps, but it matters not. Arthur Pendragon is no better than his father, and still you continue to defend him.”

 

Merlin continued backing away until he hit the wall behind him. The other man, who had yet to speak, grabbed at Merlin’s arm, yanking him away from the wall. Merlin tried to dislodge his grip, but soon both arms were trapped against his sides. The chain binding his wrists together to little to help the predicament. The speaking man grabbed Merlin’s chin, forcing him to look straight at him.

 

“How can you serve such a man?”

 

Merlin, lacking any mobility, did the only thing he could do. He spit at the man, hitting him square in the face. It took less than a second for Merlin to realize that this was probably a mistake. 

 

Merlin gasped in pain as the man’s fist made contact with his jaw. Once. Twice. A fist hit his stomach, and Merlin tried to curl in on himself but could not with the other man still holding him still. He could feel the blood spilling out of his mouth from the continued blows. 

 

The man holding Merlin let go, and he fell to the ground in a heap. The blows did not stop, however. Feet rained down on his form. Merlin did his best to curl in on himself and cover his head, but moving was difficult. One particularly hard kick led to the distinct sound of a rib snapping, making Merlin cry out in agony. 

 

One of the men, Merlin wasn’t sure which one, grabbed his arm and held it tight. The part of Merlin that could still focus was confused until he felt the other man’s foot slam down on the raised arm, snapping the bone in two. Merlin screamed. 

 

There was a swift kick to Merlin’s head, and darkness followed.

 


	2. A Gilded Cage

Pain. That was the first thing Merlin noticed as consciousness returned to him. It wasn’t an overwhelming pain, but it burned across his entire body- some places more than others.

 

Merlin opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the sunlight that invaded his sight. He blinked several times, forcing his eyes to adjust to the new lighting. Merlin didn’t recognize the room he found himself in. It was similar in style and size to the guest chambers found in Camelot, but Merlin found it unlikely that that was where he was.

 

Merlin tried sitting up, crying out in pain as he did. A hand pushed down on his chest, forcing him back on the bed.

 

“Lie back.”

 

Merlin jerked away from the touch, turning his head towards the familiar voice. It was Morgana who sat next to him, forcing him to lay flat on the bed. He stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide in shock and pain.

 

“What are you doing?” Merlin rasped out, breathing painful against what he could assume were broken ribs. 

 

“I am currently trying to heal your arm. Unless, of course, you would rather walk around with your bones snapped in half.” Morgana tilted her head with a wry smirk. “If that’s the case, I suppose I could hold off for a bit.” She waited a few more moments, clearly amused by Merlin’s annoyance. Finally, Morgana placed a hand on his arm, her eyes flashing gold.  _ “Gebétan þes bealubenn _ _.”  _

 

Merlin couldn’t help but relax slightly as the burning agony in his arm lessened significantly. He lifted his arm off the bed, bending it at the elbow a few times. Seemingly satisfied, he placed it back down. 

 

“There we are.” Morgana leaned back in her chair. “You’re welcome.”

 

Merlin snorted, which he immediately regretted due to the jarring he felt in his ribs from the action. 

 

Morgana raised her eyebrow. “What?”

 

“Yes.” Merlin huffed. “Thank you so much for healing the injury you caused. It was ever so kind of you.”

 

Morgana’s amused look darkened at his words. “I haven’t laid a finger on you, Merlin.”

 

“Yeah. You’re men did. Such a difference.”

 

“I didn’t tell them to.”

 

“And?” Merlin shook his head, clenching his eyes shut at the movement. “I was only in that cell because of you. Don’t expect me to be grateful.”

 

Without warning, Morgana reached forward, pressing sharply against his broken ribs. Merlin cried out, clawing at Morgana’s wrist. He tried desperately to move away from her hand, but she only pressed down harder. 

 

“I have yet to give you the pain you deserve for what you’ve done to me.” Morgana spoke, her voice dark and dangerous. “I’d advise you not to take that for granted, or this may just be the beginning of your suffering.” 

 

After several moments, Morgana finally relented, and Merlin let out a gasping breath of relief as the pain finally subsided. 

 

“Your ribs can heal on their own since you clearly prefer it that way.” 

 

And with that, she stood, leaving Merlin alone in the room. It was, Merlin supposed as he looked at his unchained wrists, at least better than the dungeon cells.

 

* * *

 

Merlin, despite being mostly recovered from his injuries, was not taken back to his cell like he expected. Or rather, the guest chambers he awoke in became his new cell. The door was locked, and any attempt to leave through the window would have led to a swift death via the ground- not that Merlin was likely to be able to fit through it anyways. 

 

Merlin turned as the door to his room was pulled opened, revealing Morgana in the doorway. She looked over him for a long moment, and Merlin forced himself to stand straighter in her gaze, despite the pain it caused his chest to do so. 

 

“Are you hungry?” The question was simple, and it was clear Morgana already knew the answer. The real question wasn’t whether or not he was hungry- he was starving. It was whether or not Merlin was willing to join her was another meal. It seemed that this time, perhaps, she was less inclined to have her guards enforce his presence. 

 

Merlin didn’t respond for a long moment. There was no real harm in accepting the request. There was still the question as to why Morgana wanted him there to begin with, but whatever it was she wanted, she wouldn’t get it. With that being said, Merlin gave her a slow nod. 

 

She turned in left through the door, and Merlin followed behind her. There were no guards with her, but that didn’t really mean anything. She didn’t need guards to keep Merlin from running. He wouldn’t be able to escape her magic if he tried. 

 

Morgana led him to the same dining room as before. Two places at the table were already set. It seemed that Morgana had already been quite confident that he would accept her proposal. That, in it of itself, made Merlin almost wish that he hadn’t.

 

Merlin winced as he sat in the chair. He had wrapped his ribs by tearing up an extra bedding sheet he had found in the closet, but he was still sore. If Morgana noticed, she said nothing as she sat down across from him. 

 

Morgana stared at him as he began to eat, his own hunger overwhelming him. She picked loosely at her own food, too busy watching Merlin to pay much attention to it. 

 

Merlin looked up after a moment, noticing Morgana’s gaze. He paused, matching it. “What?”

 

Morgana didn’t respond immediately, taking a forkful of her own food into her mouth. “How are you feeling?”

 

That wasn’t exactly what Merlin was expecting her to say. “Uh. Fine?” 

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow, obviously not believing a word he had to say. “Really. You feel… fine.”

 

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Merlin asked. “My chest hurts. My head hurts. My arm hurts. Everything hurts. Were you expecting otherwise?”

 

“Your arm?” Morgana looked visibly confused. “I healed your arm.”

 

“You healed the bone, but the tissue around it is still badly bruised.” Merlin shook his head. “Why do you care anyways?”

 

“I don’t.” Morgana snapped. “But you’re useless to me dead. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t dying.”

 

“Well. I can assure you that I am not dying.”

 

“Good.” They sat silently for several minutes before Morgana finally spoke once again. “I can heal your ribs if you’d like.”

 

Merlin blinked in surprise, then frowned. “No thanks.”

 

“Excuse me?” That was obviously not the answer Morgana expected.

 

“I don’t want anything from you, Morgana.” Merlin leaned back in his chair. “And I’m not particularly interested in you healing my ribs just so you can break them again.”

 

“I told you-”

 

“Yes, yes. You didn't tell them to hurt me. I know. I also don’t care.” Merlin twirled the fork in his hand, well aware of the bear he was poking. “I think you’ll find me less than forgiving all things considered.”

 

“Look.” Morgana growled. “They went behind my back. I killed them for that. I healed you. I even took you out of the cells to make up for it.”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Why thank you for moving me from one cell to one with pillows. It truly makes up for kidnapping me and holding me hostage for weeks. It’s not as if everyone I care about certainly thinks me dead. No, no. Now I have a window. I am forever in your debt.” He scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re playing at here, Morgana, but I’m not interested.”

 

Morgana glared, looking nothing short of furious, before it finally faded into a far more familiar smirk. “You’re right. You don’t deserve this. It’s not as if you poisoned a friend or anything.”

 

Merlin, as Morgana predicted, immediately wilted at those words. “I told you I didn’t want to.”

 

“Then why did you?”

 

Merlin closed his eyes. “It was the only way to save Camelot.”

 

“So?”

 

“I couldn’t let you hurt Arthur.”

 

Morgana gave a short, unamused laugh. “Story of your life, huh?”

 

Merlin’s lips quirked. “I suppose.”

 

Several moments of silence passed once again. “I didn’t know what was happening. All I knew was that someone I thought was a friend had poisoned me.”

 

“I know.” Merlin choked out. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Too little too late.”

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t uncommon for Merlin to join Morgana for meals after that point. Sometimes Merlin would go days without seeing Morgana. Other times, he would see her multiple times a day. On rare occasions, she would enter his room seemingly with the sole purpose of causing an argument, leaving both of them bitter by the end. 

 

Today, when a guard escorted Merlin to the dining room, there were three places set. Morgana was already sitting, and next to her at the table was a man Merlin didn’t recognize. Merlin hesitated as he entered the room, unsure of his place in the group.

 

“So this is Pendragon’s dog.” The large, bearded man said, staring at Merlin in a way that made him admittedly uncomfortable. 

 

Morgana smiled, gesturing towards the empty seat. “Have a seat, Merlin.”

 

Merlin glanced uneasily at both Morgana and the man before deciding that refusing in this situation would be less than wise. He took his seat, unable to relax under the man’s gaze.

 

“He’s been in Camelot for years, has he not? I’m sure you could get some useful information out of him.” 

 

“I’ve already tried.” Morgana replied easily. “He won’t talk.”

 

This didn’t seem to deter the man. “I’d very much like to try myself, if you don’t mind.”

 

Merlin stiffed at his words, and a cold feeling of dread began to seep through him. He had been here for well over a month, and Morgana had yet to torture him. Surely she wouldn’t start now. Surely she didn’t hate him enough to leave him alone with that man.

 

“Don’t waste your time.” Morgana took a sip of her wine. “Any information he has would be out of date by now. He’s been with me for quite a while, as you know.”

 

“Well. There’s no harm in a little fun.” The looked Merlin up and down. “Tell me. Does Pendragon’s dog squeal like a newborn pup?” 

 

Merlin straighten his back, desperate to not let his overwhelming fear show. He was fairly sure that he was failing in that regard. 

 

“Unfortunately, Gideon, your toys rarely last long after playtime, and I need him alive.” Morgana’s lips quirked as she spoke, obviously finding Merlin’s immense discomfort humorous. 

 

The man, Gideon apparently, gave a mock pout. “Pity.” He gave Merlin another once over. “He would have been fun.”

 

The rest of the meal passed unbearably slow, and Merlin could not bring himself to even touch the food in front of him. Morgana must have noticed, but she didn’t say anything. Gideon continued to glance at him while he ate, and Merlin did his best to not make eye contact. Before, in a situation like this, Merlin would have been able to handle it with little concern for his own wellbeing. He could have defended himself, but now, as a prisoner without magic, he would be truly as his mercy. If Gideon decided to go behind Morgana’s back, like the other guards did, there was nothing he would be able to do to stop him. And Morgana’s lack of concern on the matter did little to ease Merlin’s mind.

 

“What the hell was that?” Merlin asked after Gideon climbed his horse and sped away. 

 

“Hm?” Morgana glanced at Merlin. “Gideon is a warlord from the East. Weren’t you paying attention?”

 

Merlin had tried to listen to their conversation, but hadn’t been able to settle his nerves enough to focus on the muddled words. “Why was he here?”

 

“We have plans we’ve been discussing, but that’s not your concern.” Morgana’s lips quirked. “You were very quiet today. Is something bothering you?”

 

Merlin’s fists clenched. “I’m sorry if discussing my torture wasn’t something that put me at ease.”

 

Morgana rolled her eyes. “Get over yourself. I wasn’t going to let him touch you.”

 

“Like you didn’t let those guards touch me?”

 

She sent him a hard glare at that, but there was something else there that Merlin had never noticed before. It almost looked like guilt, but it couldn’t have been. “I lied to him for you. The least you could do is show a little gratitude.”

 

Merlin’s mind immediately went back to the dinner conversation. He ran what he remembered through his head again. “What?”

 

“I told him I had already questioned you when I hadn’t.” 

 

Merlin shook his head. “Why did you even have me there? I would have much preferred to have never met the man to begin with.”

 

Morgana reached out, snatching Merlin’s wrist in a bruising grip. “Good thing, then, that your preferences don’t matter.” He jerked his wrist away, forcing Morgana to release it. “There’s food still left over. You might as well. I know you didn’t eat.”

 

Merlin glanced over at the food, but his stomach protested. “I think I’ll pass.”

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow then shrugged. “Fine then. Go back to your room.”

 

“What are you, my mother?” Merlin mumbled, making his way to the staircase. It was times like these, when he was left alone, that the urge to run became overwhelming, but there was no point. If he tried to run now, Morgana would take away the small freedoms he had, which would make escape even more difficult in the future. 

 

For now he would bide his time.

 

Like he had been doing for a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're curious...
> 
> “Gebétan þes bealubenn.” (Mend this wound).


	3. A False Plan

Another week went by before Merlin saw Gideon again. Though it was under different circumstances, much to Merlin’s relief. Instead of being under the man’s gaze at a table, Merlin stared down at him from his window, watching as he handed Morgana a scroll of some sorts.

 

Merlin was quick to mention it the next time he saw Morgana. “What was that warlord doing here again?”

 

Morgana glanced up at him. This was one of those rare occasions in which she would entertain herself in Merlin’s room. Sometimes she would taunt him. Sometimes she would use her magic rip whatever Merlin had out of his hands and across the room, which always led to a seething glare on his own part as he went to pick it up once more. This time, she was reading a book, lounged across a chair. Why she would want to read in here of all places was a mystery to Merlin.

 

“I told you. We have plans that we’ve been discussing.”

 

“What kind of plans?” Merlin himself was lying on his back, his head hanging off the foot of the bed. Boredom had often times lead to a number of strange positions, and this was certainly not the strangest. He stared at her upside down form, squinting at the cover of the book in curiosity. The cover was too worn to read, but it didn’t appear to be anything of particular importance. 

 

Morgana turned a page, pursing her lips. “That’s none of your business.”

 

Merlin groaned, flipping over so that he was laying on his stomach. He propped his elbows up, resting his chin on his hands. Once again, boredom had led him to prodding what most certainly should not be prodded. “What was on the paper he gave you?”

 

Morgana looked up again, irritation clouding into something more amused. “I suppose there’s no real harm. It’s not like you can do anything about it.”

 

Merlin sat up at that, alarmed. “About what?”

 

A smile formed across Morgana’s lips. “The paper holds the route our dear Arthur will be taking on his next patrol in a weeks time. Gideon has a spy in Camelot that was able to get the information.”

 

The color in Merlin’s face began to fade. “Morgana.”

 

“I already have a group of mercenaries ready to attack. I just need to give them the information.”

 

“Mercenaries?” Merlin shook his head, trying to hide his unease. “Surely you realize that Arthur can’t be beat by a few mercenaries. You’re wasting your men.”

 

Morgana looked over Merlin, clearly seeing past the nonchalant bravado he was wearing. “Then you have nothing to worry about.” She stood to leave, walking towards the door when a hand gripped her wrist.

 

“Please. Morgana.” Merlin begged, dropping his facade. “Just leave him be.”

 

She tilted her head in mock sympathy. “I thought you had faith in your king. Surely a band of mercenaries won’t be able to so much as scratch him.” She unfolded his fingers from her wrist, smiling at the despair in Merlin’s eyes. “I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.”

 

Morgana left, closing the door behind her. Merlin immediately grabbed at the knob, trying to jerk the door open, but it was locked. He hit the door in frustration, sliding down against it until he was sitting on the ground. True, Arthur could hold his own in a battle, but Merlin had always been there just in case. Too many times, he had been forced to protect Arthur from an attack from behind or an unsuspecting move. Arthur was good, but he wasn’t invincible. 

 

If Arthur died, it would be because Merlin wasn’t there to protect him.

 

He wasn’t quite sure if he’d be able to live with himself if that happened. 

 

* * *

“Whatever you want Morgana, I’ll do it.” Merlin began. “Just please, leave Arthur be.”

 

Morgana leaned back in her chair, staring at Merlin from across the dining table. She crossed her arms, and a wry smirk formed across her lips. “What makes you think you have anything to offer me?”

 

Merlin shook his head, closing his eyes. “I… I’m a powerful sorcerer. You can go found a new kingdom- explore that unknown land to the North. You’re certainly capable of it. I’ll help you, if you just leave Arthur alone. Leave Camelot alone.”

 

“As if I’d remove your magic restraints.” Morgana scoffed. “As if I’d trust a word you said.”

 

“Please Morgana.”

 

“Is this about yesterday?” Morgana raised an eyebrow, piercing a slice of chicken with her fork. “About the route?”

 

“No. Yes.” Merlin hesitated. “Sort of. But it’s more than that.” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Look. You don’t  _ need  _ to kill Arthur. You don’t  _ need  _ Camelot. Your obsessions are only holding you back.”

 

A dark look passed over Morgana. “Arthur has hunted and killed my kind- our kind. My  _ obsession,  _ as you put it, is for justice.”

 

“Your obsession is revenge!” Merlin leaned his head back, hitting it against the top of the chair. “You could be so much more than that! You were once!”

 

“I was weak!”

 

“No.” Merlin shook his head vehemently. “No. You were the strongest person I knew. But this? This drive for revenge? This bitterness? That’s what has make you weak. That’s why, even with all your power, you’ll never win.”

 

Morgana’s fists curled, her nails biting sharply into her palm. “You’re wrong.”

 

“Am I?” The edge in Merlin’s voice faded to something far gentler. “Let it go, Morgana. If you give him a chance, he will prove you wrong. Stop showing him the evils of magic, and he will step out of his father’s shadow.”

 

Morgana pursed her lips. “You don’t want me to share Arthur’s route with the mercenaries.” When Merlin nodded, she continued. “What happened to your faith in your king?”

 

“He is capable of defending himself, but that doesn’t mean I wish to take chances with his safety.” Merlin places both of his arms on the table, leaning forward. “Give him a chance. That’s all I ask. Stop trying to kill him for five minutes and look at the kind of king he is. He won’t disappoint you.”

 

Morgana’s head snapped up, fury in her gaze. “He already has.” 

 

She stood from the table, storming out of the room. Merlin closed his eyes once again, laying his head flat on the table. That… could have gone better.

 

* * *

 

With every day that passed, Merlin’s anxieties grew. Part of Merlin knew better than to worry. Arthur had been the victim of many surprise attacks, and he had survived them all. But Merlin had been there, just in case. Arthur didn’t always require help, but sometimes he did. Sometimes his help didn’t prevent death though. Sometimes it merely prevented injury. Even if Arthur was attacked, and someone got him from behind, that didn’t necessarily mean he would die. His knights were skilled warriors. They would protect him. Right?

 

Morgana had said the patrol was in a weeks time- three days now. It was very possible that she had already given the mercenaries the information. Morgana could still call them off though. Maybe. If Morgana Pendragon, High Priestess of the Old Religion, told them not to attack that patrol, they would do as she said. Surely. 

 

Morgana opened the door to his room, leaning against the doorway. “This mood of yours really doesn’t suit you, Merlin.” When Merlin didn’t respond, she sighed, entering the room fully and closing the door behind her. “If I knew you’d be in such a tissy about it, I would have never told you.”

 

“Would you have told me if Arthur was killed?” Merlin bit back, sitting cross-legged on the bed. 

 

“I’ll never understand you, Merlin.” Morgana sat in the chair facing the bed. “You like Arthur. I get it. But his death would also mean your freedom. If I was queen, magic would rein once more.”

 

“Last I checked, you were the one keeping my freedom from me- not Arthur.” He raised his wrists, making the bands more prominent in Morgana’s view. He lowered his wrists, shaking his head. “Arthur’s my friend. If he dies, I will never forgive you.”

 

“As if I want your forgiveness.”

 

“How long are you going to keep me here, Morgana?” Merlin glared at her across the room. “A year? Two? Ten? I don’t know how long it will take me to escape, but you won’t be able to hold me forever. One day you’ll let your guard down, and I’ll be free. Once that happens, nowhere will be safe for you.” His voice became icy and cold. “If you harm him, I will hunt you down, and I will not stop until you pay for what you did.”

 

Something in Merlin’s tone made Morgana freeze. He was powerless, sure, but when he spoke like that, it made it seem as if she was the prisoner here, not him. 

 

Morgana regained her bearings, refusing to let the bound man intimidate her. “I’d like to see you try.” She stood, making her way towards the door.

 

“Morgana. Wait. Please.” She turned back around, and Merlin was standing, the previous tension in his shoulders fading into something more resigned. “Please. Don’t tell the mercenaries Arthur’s route. I beg of you.”

 

“I already have.” Morgana said, dismissively.

 

“Then call them off!”

 

“They don’t work for me, Merlin. They don’t follow my orders.”

 

“They’ll do whatever you ask of them, and you know it.” Merlin took a few steps forwards, arms out in a pleading gesture. “Please, Morgana. I beg of you. Don’t do this. Just tell them not to attack the route, and they won’t. Just-”

 

“There is no route!” Morgana yelled, turning to face Merlin in a flurry. Merlin’s face immediately morphed into confusion. “That’s not what Gideon gave me. There is no spy in Camelot. There are no mercenaries. There is no attack. There is no route!”

 

Merlin was silent for a long moment, his mouth gaped open slightly. “What?”

 

“The scroll Gideon gave me was a correspondence from a potential ally in the West. It has nothing to do with Arthur.” Morgana sighed, clenching her teeth together. “I told you it was Arthur’s route to scare you. I didn’t think you’d make such a big deal out of it.”

 

“Make a big deal-” Some of the confusion on Merlin’s face formed into anger with a hint of relief. “I thought you were going to attack Arthur! I thought there was a spy betraying him! I thought his life was in danger! Of course I made a big deal out of it! I was worried!”

 

“Well.” Morgana said shortly. “You can stop worrying. I assure you, I have no current plans on killing Arthur. Not yet, at least.”

 

Merlin’s form looked drained- as if all the tension from the past four days has left him, leaving a broken vessel in its wake. There was still anger, but most of it appeared to have left him. “I thought he was going to die, Morgana. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t… breath.”

 

Morgana rolled her eyes. “Arthur lives a dangerous life, Merlin. Surely you don’t get this worked up every time he’s put in harm’s way. How is this any different?”

 

“Because I’m not with him!” Merlin yelled, his hands curling through his own hair in frustration. He backed up until his back his the wall behind him. “I’m not there! I can’t protect him! I need to protect him! If he dies, that’s on me. If he dies… then I failed.”

 

Morgana seemed momentarily shocked by that response, unsure of how to respond. 

 

“Please… please just… don’t do that again.”

 

Morgana looked ready to argue, to say she’ll do whatever she pleases, but looking at Merlin’s broken, crumpled form as he slid down the wall towards the floor, she could only nod. 

 

Merlin wasn’t looking at her, so he surely didn’t see the nod, but he seemed to take the silence as answer enough. Morgana, more unsure in that moment than she had felt in a long time, turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. As the door slid shut, she could hear the hiccuping sound of a sob as Merlin finally broke down for the first time since his capture. 

 

Morgana couldn’t help but feel admititly guilty at the pathetic sound. She had been cruel. Merlin had already been in a constant state of tension since his capture well over a month ago. Then, she had placed Arthur in danger. He wasn’t actually in any danger, of course, but Merlin didn’t know that. For four days, she had let Merlin believe Arthur’s death to be an imminent possibility. For four days, she had allowed Merlin to simmer in overwhelming despair only to rip the blindfold off his eyes at the last possible moment. His reaction wasn’t really a surprise. 

 

It was cruel. Too cruel even for her own tastes. 

 

* * *

 

“About Arthur…” Morgana began. They had spoke very little in the past few days, and they had certainly not breached the obvious topic. “Look. I’m sorry.”

 

Merlin didn’t reply, chewing the food in front of his slowly. He didn’t look angry, just resigned in a way Merlin should never look. 

 

“I thought you’d be pleased to hear there was no route.”

 

“I was.” Merlin said softly. “I just didn’t expect it.”

 

Morgana nodded, satisfied to have gotten a few words out of him. “I hadn’t realized it would upset you so much. If I knew how you’d react, I wouldn’t have told you.” Merlin, again, didn’t say anything, poking his food with his fork. She sighed. “Fine.”

 

Merlin looked up, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

 

“What you said a few days ago, about giving Arthur a chance. I’ll do it.”

 

Merlin’s face brightened immediately, and his back straighten against the chair. “Really?”

 

“I’m not declaring peace or anything. Just a cease fire. Until… until he kills a sorcerer. I’ll hold off all attacks until he executes a sorcerer.”

 

Merlin thought on this for a moment. “What if it’s a sorcerer that tries to kill Arthur? Surely you can’t fault him for executing someone who tries to kill him.”

 

Morgana held herself back from rolling her eyes at Merlin’s new found enthusiasm. It was by far the most animated she had seen Merlin in the time he’d been here. “Until he kills someone for the crime of magic and magic alone then.”

 

Merlin smiled, and Morgana was taken back to those moments before Morgause. Those smiles had been there to brighten her days during the dark times. It had been so long since she had seen one. “Thank you, Morgana. You won’t regret it. I swear.”

 

“I hope you’re right.” Morgana mumbled, mostly to herself. 

 

What the hell had she gotten herself into. 


	4. New Found Realizations

 

It was hard for Merlin to feel like a prisoner when he was not confined to a single room. Merlin had taken his chances one night when he discovered his door to be unlocked. Morgana didn’t seem to mind Merlin’s roaming of the castle. He still couldn’t escape as the doors were guarded, but he could at least explore the dusty stronghold. 

 

Most of the rooms in the stronghold were empty and seemed to have been that way for quite awhile. The stronghold must have been abandoned many years ago. Morgana had little need for the large number of rooms, and as such, they remained filled with dust and webs. Though, to be fair, she also had little need for Merlin, yet she kept him here all the same. 

 

“Why am I here?” 

 

Morgana turned towards the intruder in her doorway, glaring at him. “Ever heard of knocking?”

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “The door was open.”

 

Morgana squinted her eyes, staring past Merlin for a moment, as if to check if anyone else was there, before gesturing for him to enter. Merlin did so, shutting the door behind him.

 

“What do you want, Merlin?” She asked as if his presence was a great burden upon her shoulders.

 

Merlin twirled the bands around his wrists absentmindedly as he watched Morgana run a comb through her hair. “I want to know why I am still here.”

 

A pause. “You’re here, as I recall, because you entered my room. Without knocking.” Morgana didn’t even turn to glance at Merlin as she spoke.

 

Merlin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You know what I mean.” He sighed when Morgana did not respond. “I mean, I’m barely even a prisoner anymore. You’re obviously not going to use me against Arthur. At this point, he’d probably think you were bluffing. There’s no way I’d still be alive after all this time.” The thought filled Merlin with sorrow. Arthur thought he was dead. He had been  _ mourned _ . 

 

“Yet here you are, still breathing.” Morgana closed her eyes with an annoyed sigh. “Such a shame, too.”

 

This time Merlin couldn’t hold back the eye roll. “What’s your plan, Morgana? Do you even have one?”

 

Morgana turned to face Merlin, a spark of anger flashing in her eyes. “You are a sorcerer, Merlin. If I let you go, you’d run right back to Arthur and continue protecting him from my attacks.” She glared at him across the room. “You are here simply to prevent you from being there.”

 

“Here’s the thing, though.” Merlin began, much to Morgana’s disappointment. “If that’s all it was, you could have killed me a long time ago and gotten the same result-”

 

“I just about might if you continue to-”

 

“Plus, you’ve already agreed not to try and kill Arthur for now. And even if you hadn’t, you’d think that if you weren’t going to kill me, for whatever reason, you’d want to kill Arthur as quickly as possible. In case I escaped.”

 

Morgana scoffed. “As if you could escape.”

 

Merlin wanted to protest, but found that he couldn’t. He had been here for two months, nearly three now. His magic was bound as tightly as ever. He could not escape without his magic, not when Morgana was the one holding him captive. He had had no luck in finding a way to escape the bindings. Until he did so, he would be wherever Morgana wanted him to be.

 

“That’s beside the point-”

 

“Arthur married Gwen.”

 

That shocked Merlin for a moment. The marriage itself was not surprising. On the contrary, Merlin would have thought it to have happened a long while ago. Arthur had already proposed when Merlin had been captured. Though why Morgana had chosen to bring it up and now was curious. “Oh. That’s… good.”

 

Morgana was silent for a moment, looking away from Merlin. “You really think so?”

 

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Well, yes. Arthur and Gwen are my friends, and they love each other very much. I’m happy for them.” A pause. “There was a time that you would have been, too.”

 

Anger flashed once more in her eyes. “She took my throne. It belongs to me.”

 

“It belongs to Arthur and whomever he wishes to share it with.” Merlin snapped. “Like it or not, Arthur is the true heir of Camelot. Being Uther’s daughter does not change that.”

 

“Why do you defend him?” Morgana took a step towards Merlin. “If he knew who you really were, he’d light the pyre himself.”

 

Merlin paused for a moment, before nodding hesitantly. “Maybe, but he’s a good man nonetheless.” Morgana scoffed at that, but Merlin continued. “Uther has convinced him that magic is evil, something to be feared, and you’ve done nothing but support that believe. It’s no wonder he hates magic after everything you’ve done in the name of it.”

 

“Don’t you dare try to act like Arthur’s bigotry is my fault-”

 

“You know,” Merlin started, taking a step towards Morgana. “Arthur didn’t use to hate magic. He was wary, yes, but he didn’t hate it despite his father’s teachings. He helped Mordred escape, didn’t he?”

 

“Mordred was a child.” Morgana countered. “If he hadn’t been, Arthur would have abandoned him.”

 

“Your point?” Merlin took a deep breath. “He knew Mordred was a druid, yet he helped him. It didn’t matter that he had magic  _ because _ he was a child. That didn’t matter to Uther. Arthur’s different.” Merlin lifted his head up higher. “You changed that, you know? Seeing magic change you was what hardened his heart on the matter. Any lives taken by him are on you, Morgana.”

 

Morgana stood and wrapped her hand around Merlin’s throat, pushing until his head hit the wall behind him. Merlin couldn’t help but squeeze his eyes shut and hiss slightly at the pain in his skull. Morgana’s grip slacked slightly at the noise, but tightened again quickly. Merlin grabbed at Morgana’s wrists, trying desperately to get her to release him- to allow him to breath. Several moments pass before Morgana finally let go. Merlin slid down the wall, drawing in heavy breaths. 

 

“Get out.”

 

Merlin stared up at her, noting the anger in her face. There was a hint of guilt behind her eyes, hidden almost entirely by fury. A moment passed before Merlin finally nodded, stood up, and left with his own guilt forming. 

 

* * *

 

That night had Merlin roaming the halls of the empty stronghold. It was quiet and dark. Most of the soldiers had retired to bed, leaving only a handful of them to guard the entrances. Merlin wondered if they were only there to keep him in, or if they would have stood guard throughout the night regardless of whether or not there was a prisoner roaming freely. It was probably the latter. Camelot had night guards as well. If Morgana was so concerned about him escaping, she could have just confined him to his rooms at night.

 

But she hadn’t. So roam he did. 

 

Guilt still ebbed at him. What he had said was cruel, even if it was mostly true. Morgana had been twisted by fear. She truly believed she was doing right by her kind. She wasn’t the real villain here, not really. In the end, the fault lied with Uther, yet his children were the ones that would have to pay the price. It wasn’t fair.

 

Merlin didn’t know how he had come to stand in front of Morgana’s door. It wasn’t as if it was close to his own room. His room? When had it become his room and not his cell? His prison.

 

He leaned his head against the door with a sigh. Things were much more complicated now than they had been just a few months ago. It was so much harder to hate the villain when you understood them. And Merlin did understand Morgana. Even now, Morgana was afraid. She was no longer afraid of Uther- his death had assured that. Now she was afraid of failing, and that might just be even more dangerous.

 

A soft cry shook Merlin out of his thoughts. The sound was muffled by the door, but it was clearly made by Morgana. Merlin placed his ear back against the door, listening to the sounds that came from the room. Merlin made up his mind after a moment and opened the door, half expecting to see an intruder in the room, but it was just Morgana. And she was asleep.

 

Morgana struggled against the sheets, moans of pain escaping her lips. And then it stopped. She sat up with a scream, her body shaking as she took note of the room. When her eyes finally fell upon Merlin, he expected an angry Morgana who would demand him out of her room. He wished he had gotten an angry Morgana. 

 

“No. No. No. No. Please. No. Stop. Please.” Morgana cried, her voice on edge. Merlin took a few steps forward, making Morgana shuffle backwards until she was at the edge of her bed. “No! Please. Let me go. Please…”

 

“Morgana…” Merlin hesitated, but then took a few more steps forward. Morgana shook her head, and he couldn’t understand why she was so afraid of him. Unless… unless she didn’t know it was him. Unless her nightmare had not yet left her. “Morgana, it’s me. Merlin.”

 

Morgana still didn’t respond, tears still rolling down her face. Merlin reached out to grab her wrist. She screamed at the contact, but Merlin didn’t let go, desperately hoping there were no guards nearby to overhear the scream and assume the worst upon entering the room. He tried to maneuver her away from the edge of her bed, but it was difficult with her struggling. “Morgana, please. It’s me. You’re safe. It was just a dream.”

 

She shook with sobs, no longer struggling against his hold. She looked up, finally looking him in the eyes. Merlin slowly let go of her, sensing her wits returning. Merlin took a step away from her, but Morgana’s hand shot out to grab Merlin’s wrist. They stayed like that for a moment before she finally let go. Her sobs subsided, and Merlin could sense her humiliation over the entire situation.

 

“You can leave.” Morgana’s voice wavered, her eyes no longer meeting Merlin’s own.

 

Merlin nodded. He walked towards the door, stopping before he touched the knob. “Do you want me to stay?”

 

The possible responses filled his head.  _ “Why would I want you to stay?”, “I told you to leave.”, “Get out.”, “Go away, Merlin.” _

 

“...Would you?”

 

Merlin hadn’t been expected that, but Morgana had sounded so timid in that moment that he could hardly leave her. Merlin nodded and turned back towards her, but he wasn’t sure where to go. There was a chair across the room. He could also lie on the floor. 

 

Morgana seemed just as conflicted for a long moment. Finally, she reached up to grab his wrists, pulling him towards her. Merlin wasn’t sure what to make of the situation, but finally sat on the bed next to her. When Morgana didn’t let go of his wrist, Merlin slowly unfolded until he was lying next to her. Still, her hand did not leave his wrists. 

 

“You can leave, if you want to.” For a moment, Merlin wondered for a moment if she meant more than the bed… if she maybe meant to leave his imprisonment. 

 

“Do you want me to stay?” 

 

Morgana didn’t answer for a long moment. “Yes.”

 

“Then I’ll stay.” Again, Merlin didn’t know if she meant her room or the stronghold. Surprisingly, the answer was the same either way. Morgana needed him. She was scared, and she had no one. No one but Merlin. He couldn’t take that away from her, no matter what she had done to him. To Arthur. To Camelot. 

 

Morgana had been Merlin’s friend once. He had turned her away. He could not do so again. Not ever again. 

 

* * *

 

It had been over two weeks since the nightmare incident. Three times now Merlin had slept in Morgana’s room. Twice now, Merlin had heard her at night while roaming the halls. On the third occasion, however, Morgana had come to Merlin, woken him, and dragged him to her own bed while Merlin simply blinked sleepily and the rapidly changing scenery. They didn’t speak of it. Merlin didn’t know if Morgana wanted to talk about, and Morgana seemed unwilling to bring it up. Unwilling until now, at least. 

 

“It was the Sarrum.” Morgana said suddenly.

 

Merlin looked up from his meal. Morgana sat across from him at the long table, yet she seemed unwilling to make eye contact. “What?”

 

“My dreams. They’re about the Sarrum…and what he did to me.” Morgana took a long sip of her wine. “I’m sure you must be curious.”

 

Merlin furrowed his eyes in confusion. “I don’t… I don’t know who that is.”

 

Morgana looked up briefly. “Sarrum rules the kingdom of Amata.” Merlin nodded once. He was vaguely familiar with Amata. Morgana seemed confused by Merlin’s reaction, or lack there of one. Her face contorted into shock after a moment. “You did not know?”

 

Merlin shook his head hesitantly. “I don’t know much about Amata. Only stories, really. They say their king hates magic even more than Uther did, though I don’t know how true that is.” 

 

“No, it’s true.” Morgana looked away for a moment before meeting Merlin’s eyes once again. “The Sarrum captured me and held me as his prisoner for two years.” Merlin’s eyes widened, his mouth opening slightly. “For two years he kept me in the dark. He tortured me. He put those bands on me. That was how they came to be in my possession.” Morgana nodded towards Merlin’s wrists. “I was going to destroy them, but I thought they might be useful in the future.” She took another sip of wine. “Obviously I was right.”

 

“I…” Merlin didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry. If I had known…”

 

“Arthur made sure you didn’t, I’m sure.” Her voice was bitter and cold.

 

“What?” Merlin starred in confusion.

 

Morgana let anger cloud her face. “Sarrum is a boastful man. Arthur would have been made aware of my predicament.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “He wasn’t. I swear to you he wasn’t.”

 

Morgana scoffed. “How would you know?”

 

“You may be an enemy of Camelot, but he would never have allowed you to suffer like that.” Merlin tried to reason. “And he would have told me.”

 

“You trust Arthur far more than you should.” Morgana stood. “I will retire for the evening.”

 

“Morgana, wait.” Merlin also stood, reaching out towards her. She flinched back slightly at the movement. All this talk of Sarrum and what he did to her must have brought back painful memories. “He didn’t know.”

 

Morgana searched Merlin’s face for any hint of a lie. Finding none, Morgana looked away. “So you believe.” A moment's pause. “Arthur is far crueler than you know him to be. He would leave you to the same fate, too, if he knew about your magic.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “That’s not true, Morgana. Arthur is many things, but he is not cruel. He would have-”

 

“Would have what? Rescued me only to turn and have me executed?”

 

Merlin paused, wanting to argue. It was true, though. Arthur would not have allowed Morgana to suffer, but she would have had to answer for her crimes. “Arthur would have allowed you a quick death. He would not have prolonged your suffering.”

 

Morgana shook her head. “And you think I should thank him for that?” She took a few steps away from him. “Arthur Pendragon is a monster, and he will die. By my hand.” Morgana stormed away after that, leaving Merlin alone in the dining hall with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. 

 

Arthur was not a monster. That Merlin knew for certain. Nothing Morgana ever said would be able to convince him otherwise, but he could understand why she thought differently. She truly believed that her brother had knowingly allowed her to be tortured for two years. She believed that her brother hated her simply because of something she could not change nor did she choose. 

 

She was wrong, of course, but it made little difference.

 

Arthur Pendragon was not a monster, but he was the villain of Morgana’s tale.

 


	5. A Change in Prisons

“How old were you when you moved to Camelot?” Merlin asked, watching Morgana as used to her magic to pull out a book from the top shelves. He couldn’t help but feel a little bitter that she was using her magic for such trivial things when he could not use his  at all, but he didn’t mention it. 

 

Morgana quirked an eyebrow, a small smile on her lips. “Getting personal are we?” She flipped a few pages in half until she came across the particular section she was looking for. “See. Look.” She held the book in front of Merlin’s face. _ “Blóstmá.” _

 

Merlin shook his head. “Your point?”

 

“You told me that you tried to make strawberries but made a flower instead.” Morgana slammed the book shut, the force of it making Merlin flinch away slightly. “That isn’t possible. The spells aren’t anything alike.” She smiled. “You were  _ trying  _ to make a rose, you flirt.”

 

Merlin shook his head once more, rolling his eyes. “Or maybe I mixed the spells up in my head. They are both red after all.”

 

“And do you organize all your spells by color?” Morgana put the book back in its original spot. “And I was ten.”

 

“What?” Merlin looked over, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Morgana glared. “Oh, you were ten when you went to Camelot.”

 

Morgana nodded. “I was ten when my father died.”

 

Merlin paused, unsure. “I wasn’t… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

 

Morgana shook her head. “Those aren’t bad memories, Merlin. His death was, yes, but the rest was… nice. My mother died when I was very young, so it was just my father and I. And the servants, of course.” She smiled. “I was very fond of my nursemaid, Elena.”

 

Morgana reached up for another book. This one was low enough to the ground to be reached without magic. They had taken to going through these books together ever since Merlin discovered the library during one of his midnight strolls. The spells weren’t anything special. The both of them were capable of doing spells much more powerful than the ones offered in these books, or at least, Merlin would be if his magic hadn’t still been cut off from him.

 

Despite not being able to actual do any magic, Merlin found that he enjoyed learning the obscure spells. There were some he was tempted to try and use on Arthur, should he ever be able return to Camelot. The one that involved turning someone into a toad seemed most appealing. He would save it for a day in which Arthur was being particularly prattish. 

 

Merlin turned the page of the book in front of him. “A spell to turn water to wine.”

 

“Oh?” Morgana walked back towards Merlin, looking over his shoulder at the spell. “That would be… interesting. Perhaps I will try it at dinner tonight.”

 

“I’d rather you not.” Merlin flipped the page before Morgana could memorize the words. “You might accidentally turn it into something substantially less appealing.”

 

Morgana placed a hand on her chest, as if incredibly offended. “I’ll have you know I am perfectly capable of turning water to whatever liquid I please.”

 

“Purposefully, then.”

 

Morgana looked like she wanted to argue, but then shrugged, accepting Merlin’s words as truth. Merlin grinned softly as her turned back. “Why did you go to Camelot?”

 

“Oh.” Merlin paused for a moment. “My mother sent me. To Gaius.” Morgana quirked her eyebrow, so he continued. “I couldn’t control my magic. I was getting more and more obvious with everyday that passed. When Will found out… that was the final straw for her. She knew Gaius could help me control my powers.”

 

“She sent you to Camelot because you couldn’t control your magic?” Morgana starred, her eyebrows lifted higher than before. “Did she want you to get yourself killed?”

 

Merlin shook his head. “Cenred offered awards to anyone who turned in a magic user to him. Times were tough in Ealdor. If someone found out and turned me in…”

 

“But magic’s not outlawed in Essetir. Why would Cenred want magic users?”

 

“Magic may not have been outlawed, but all magic users were required to fight in his army.” Merlin took a breath. “I would have rather faced Uther’s wrath than be forced to kill for Cenred.” A pause. “Fortunately, Gaius was able to help me control my powers, and Uther never found out.”

 

Morgana slowly closed the book she held in her hands. “I wish he had helped me.”

 

Merlin looked up at that, regret crossing his featured. “He… he wanted to. He thought you would be safer if you didn’t know you had magic. He thought it would fade away if you didn’t use it.”

 

“Well he was wrong.” Morgana said, her voice sharp.

 

Merlin hesitated. “He never meant to hurt you. I think one of his greatest regrets is failing you.” Nothing was said for a long moment. “Mine is, too.” Morgana didn’t respond to that, but Merlin pressed on anyways. “I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want you to feel alone, but I was afraid.”

 

“And you think I wasn’t?” Morgana glared at him across the room. 

 

“No.” Merlin sighed. “I know you were. That’s why I sent you to the druids, but even that was a mistake.” Merlin looked up at Morgana, but she was avoiding his eyes. “I am sorry, Morgana. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

 

Morgana was quiet for several moments, leading Merlin to think that the conversation was over. Her voice broke into his thoughts as he went back to reading. “I know.”

 

It wasn’t an ‘it’s okay’ or even a ‘thank you’. It was an acknowledgement. Nothing more, nothing less, but it was more than nothing.

 

* * *

 

“Come on.” Morgana pulled the blinds away from the windows, making light flood into Merlin’s chambers. Merlin winced at the light, rubbing the sleep away from his eyes. “We’re losing daylight.”

 

“Losing daylight for what? Last I checked, there are these things called lanterns. Or torches. There are many options, really.” Merlin groaned, a little annoyed to have been woken up so abruptly.

 

“Those will hardly be much use on horseback.” 

 

That made Merlin sit up, now wide awake. “What?”

 

“We’re going on a little trip.” Morgana grabbed Merlin’s wrist and dragged his up and out of bed. “Get dressed.”

 

Merlin caught the pile of clothes thrown at him by Morgana. “Where are we going?”

 

Morgana smiled. “It’s a secret. Now hurry up.”

 

Merlin starred at the door Morgana had exited from from a long moment before shaking his head. When he left the room minutes later, Morgana was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Will you tell me where we’re going now?”

 

“No.” 

 

Merlin sighed, following Morgana down the stairs. He hadn’t left the stronghold once in the months he had been there. The fact that Morgana was allowing him to do so now was strange in it of itself. Whatever trip Morgana had planned was leaving him admittedly nervous. 

 

Morgana pulled two horses out of the stables, handing the reins of one over to Merlin. He thought for a moment about climbing onto the horse and riding away as quickly as he could, but Morgana would be able to stop him easily with her magic. Plus, he still had no idea where exactly he was. Finding Camelot would be improbable at best. 

 

Merlin climbed onto his horse, noting the supplies Morgana had prepared. Not a long trip but more than a day.

 

They rode in silence for several hours. Merlin had tried to ask Morgana again where it was exactly that they were going, but she didn’t respond. 

 

Night finally came upon them, forcing them to make camp for the evening. 

 

“So when exactly are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

 

“When we get there.” Morgana’s eyes glow gold and the sticks in front of them burst into flames. “We won’t stay long, but I think you’ll find this trip enjoyable.”

 

Merlin looked around, hoping to find some sort of clue as to where they were. He found none. “How far away are we from our destination?”

 

“A few hours, give or take.” Morgana laid back on the ground, her eyes never leaving the burning flame before them. “If we leave early enough, you can spend a good amount of time there before we leave.”

 

“Me?” Merlin glanced at Morgana. “You aren’t coming with?”

 

“No. I don’t believe that would be wise.” Morgana closed her eyes, her arms cross in front of her. “I will wait for you beyond the trees. You will return to me an hour before dark.” 

 

Merlin nodded. He couldn’t tell if there was a threat in her last words or not. The night became darker, and Morgana had clearly fallen asleep. It would be so easy for Merlin to grab a horse and run. If he could do so without waking Morgana, he could get enough distance between them before she ever realised he was gone. 

 

In that moment, he almost did. But then he didn’t. 

 

Merlin didn’t sleep that night. His mind could not be made up. He should leave. He couldn’t leave Morgana. Arthur thought he was dead. What would Morgana do when she woke up and saw him gone. Arthur needed him. Morgana needed him. 

 

Eventually the sun rose, and his mind was made up for him.

 

“Let’s head out.” Morgana hopped onto her horse. Merlin was slower than yesterday, his thoughts clouding his mind. Morgana must have noticed, but she didn’t say anything. 

 

Three hours had passed when Merlin noticed a familiar tree, it’s bark carved with an even more familiar design from his childhood. Merlin’s head swiveled towards Morgana. “Morgana?”

 

She didn’t respond for a moment. Finally, she smiled, dismounting her horse. “Meet me here an hour before dark.”

 

Merlin didn’t move for a moment, too shocked to do anything. Finally, he smiled, jumping off his horse. “Thank you, Morgana.”

 

He raced past the trees towards the familiar village awaiting him. Once he crossed the trees, he slowed, not wanting to bring attention to himself. He scanned the villagers until his eyes finally found one figure in particular. “Mother.”

 

Hunith froze at the voice, turning to face her son. She dropped her basket, her hands coming to cover her face. Merlin walked towards her, wrapping his arms around her.

 

“Oh Merlin.” She hand caressed Merlin’s face. “Oh, my boy. I feared the worse.” A tear ran down her face. “Is Arthur here with you?”

 

Merlin shook his head. “No. I’m not with Arthur.”

 

“He let you run off alone? After you had been missing for so long?” Hunith began walking to her home, dragging her son along with her. 

 

Merlin sighed. “I didn’t know that you knew I was missing. I should have known Gaius would tell you.”

 

“Not Gaius.” Hunith shook her head. “Arthur.”

 

Merlin furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “Arthur?”

 

“Did he not tell you this?” Hunith pushed Merlin into a seat before taking one herself. “He told me he would bring you here when he found you.”

 

“What was Arthur doing here in the first place?”

 

“When you went missing…” Hunith grabbed Merlin’s hands, unwilling to let go of her presumed dead son. “Arthur came here. He hoped that maybe you had escaped and came to Ealdor since Camelot was farther away.” She shook her head. “That’s how I knew.”

 

Merlin closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. I wish he hadn’t told you.”

 

Hunith looked up at that. “Don’t you dare. I deserve to know how my own son is.” She sighed. “Arthur found you. That’s all that matters.”

 

For a moment, Merlin almost told her the truth. Arthur hadn’t found him. He was still missing. He had been missing for nearly five months now. If Arthur hadn’t found him by now, he was never going to find him. There was no need to distress his mother with the truth of his imprisonment.

 

But then she spotted the clanging metal bands around his wrists. “Merlin?” He tried to place his wrists under the table and out of sight, but his mother grabbed at that, feeling the thick metal. “Merlin, what is this?”

 

Merlin smiled softly. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

The smile was not echoed on his mother’s horrified face. “What are these? Why are you wearing them?”

 

“Mother, it’s alright.”

 

“What are these symbols?”

 

“Mother…”

 

“Use your magic.”

 

Merlin was startled by that. “What?”

 

“Use. Your. Magic.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “Mother…”

 

Hunith stood her ground. “Use your magic, son. Please.”

 

Merlin stared at her for a long moment before closing his eyes. “I can’t.”

 

She grabbed at her son, her eyes terrified. “Did Arthur put these on you?” Merlin shook his head. “Your captor did. Your captor put these on you, and you haven’t been able to get them off yet? Arthur has tried to remove them, and he can’t.” Her son did not respond, unable to meet her eyes. Suddenly, she felt cold. “You’re still a captive.”

 

Merlin looked up for a moment before looking away, unable to see the fear in his mother’s eyes. “Mother. It’s alright.”

 

“How is this in any way alright? You’re… you’re a prisoner. How are you even here?”

 

“Morgana-”

 

“Morgana? She’s holding you captive?”

 

“Mother, please.” Merlin pleaded. “Let me speak. I’ll explain everything.” Hunith closed her eyes, but she did not let go of her son. Merlin took her silence as permission to continue. “I was captured by Morgana. I am… still her prisoner. She wanted to do something nice for me, I suppose. I am to spend the day here and return to her later.”

 

Hunith looked up, eyes wide. “You must run. You know the way to Camelot from here. We have a horse you can use. Take it. Go to Camelot.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “I can’t, mother.”

 

“Please, Merlin.” She pleaded. “Please.”

 

“I  _ can’t _ .” Merlin looked at his mother for a long moment. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” Hunith was about to speak again when Merlin interrupted. “Please, mother. I am only here for the day. Can we please not spend that time speaking of this.”

 

“I just want you safe, Merlin.”

 

“I am, mother. I promise.” He smiled, trying and failing to get a smile out of his mother. “I am well, I swear to you.”

 

Merlin didn’t think his mother believed him. Not really. Despite that, she allowed a tight smile to cover her face. She gripped her son in another bone crushing hug. They stayed like that for several minutes until Hunith’s grip finally loosened.

 

They didn’t speak much for the rest of that day. Simply being in each other’s company was enough. His mother’s presence had always had a calming effect on her son. 

 

Night came far too quickly. Merlin looked to the sky. It was about an hour til dusk. It was time to return to Morgana. 

 

Hunith walked Merlin to the edge of the forest. Merlin gave her one last hug. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

 

And with that, Merlin left. He wanted to look back. He desperately wanted to turn around and look into her kind eyes one last time, but if he did, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep going. And he had to keep going.

 

* * *

 

“You were younger than me when you discovered your magic.” It was more of a statement than a question. Morgana glanced over a Merlin as he twiddled with a loose string on his jacket. Her eyes flashed gold and the string rewound itself into the fabric. 

 

Merlin looked up with a mock glare, as if Morgana had gotten rid of some riveting entertainment. “Uh, yes.”

 

“Hold old were you?” Morgana crossed her legs on the bed, staring at Merlin who sat in a chair across the room. 

 

“I’ve always had magic.” Merlin paused, unsure if he should reveal this information. “I was born able to use it. I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t able to.”

 

“Even as an infant, you had magic?”

 

Merlin nodded. “Spooked my mum.”

 

Morgana smiled. “Of course you would find a way to cause trouble before you had even left your cradle.”

 

Merlin laughed softly. “Arthur’d be proud.” The name of the king silenced Morgana for a moment, and he regretted bringing him up. 

 

“I didn’t always have magic, as you know. When Sarrum took it from me…” Morgana glanced at the bands around Merlin’s wrists. “It was a familiar feeling, but you… you’ve always had magic.” She pauses, avoiding Merlin’s eyes. “What does it feel like?”

 

It took a moment for Merlin to respond. “It… hurt. At first. It felt… cold.” Merlin shook his head. “I’ve gotten used to it by now. It’s just… strange, you know?”

 

Morgana nodded hesitantly, “Does it ever… hurt? Now?”

 

“Sometimes I try to use my magic by accident or out of habit.” Merlin admitted. “More so in the beginning than now. I used to use it all the time when I slept. It wakes me up whenever that happens now.”

 

“It hurts enough to wake you up?” Morgana seemed pained by this sudden knowledge. 

 

“Sometimes, yeah.” Merlin said. “I can’t help it, though.”

 

“How often does that happen?”

 

“It used to happen just about every night. Now? Maybe once a week.” Morgana didn’t seem appeased by that. “It’s not that bad. I’ve gotten used to it.”

 

“I didn’t know.” Morgana swallowed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

Merlin gave her a soft smile. “I know.”

 

Morgana walked towards Merlin, grabbing his arm and dragging him towards her bed. Merlin raised an eyebrow, but didn’t fight her as she sat him down next to her. She didn’t say anything for a moment, but then she leaned her head against his shoulder. Merlin stiffened briefly, more shocked than anything, then relaxed. 

 

“Do you hate me?”

 

Merlin turned his head towards her, though he couldn’t see more than the top of her head in their current position. “No.”

 

“You should.”

 

Merlin was silent for a long moment. “I hate what you did. I hate what fear turned you into, but I never hated you.” 

 

Morgana lifted her head at that to look him in the eyes. There was no lie, no deception in his features. She stared for a moment, then looked away, standing suddenly. Her hand reached towards the chain around her neck. On the chain, previously hidden beneath Morgana’s shirt, was a key. It was  _ the  _ key.

 

She kneeled on the ground next to the bed and held Merlin’s wrists in her hands. She was shaking, Merlin realized. She stuck the key into Merlin’s right band until it clicked. The band opened and fell to the ground.

 

“Morgana…” Merlin didn’t know what to say. 

 

Morgana didn’t acknowledge him, instead opting to grab Merlin’s left hand. She hesitated for a long moment before she finally put the key into the lock and turned it.

 

And suddenly his magic was back.

 

It filled into him so quickly that Merlin couldn’t help but gasp at the feeling of it. It was back. It was back at last. His eyes burned gold. A feeling of lightness, of power, burned through Merlin. It was almost painful. Almost.

 

Morgana grabbed at Merlin’s wrists, tears running down her face.

 

“Morgana?” Merlin breathed, his eyes fading back to blue.

 

“Please.” Morgana leaned into Merlin, pressing her face into Merlin’s chest. “Please don’t leave.”

 

Don’t leave me. Don’t go back to Camelot. Don’t go back to Arthur. Stay. Stay with me.

 

Merlin could leave right now. He had his magic. Morgana could not stop him. He could run straight back to Arthur. Back home. It was tempting. It was so tempting.

 

But in that moment, there was only one thing Merlin could say.

 

“I won’t.”

 

Morgana leaned back as if she had expected a different answer. As if Merlin could possibly say no to her. She let out a single gasping sob.

 

Merlin reached forward, pulling Morgana into a standing position along with him. Her eyes were glistening with tears as Merlin leaned forward, slowly, until his lips met Morgana’s. He paused for a moment, unsure if his actions were warranted, but then Morgana deepened the kiss. Merlin lifted his hand to Morgana’s cheek and brushed a stray tear away.  

 

Merlin took a shaky breath. “I won’t leave you.”

 

_ I’m sorry, Arthur _

_ I’m so sorry. _

 

* * *

 

Things changed after that moment.

 

Merlin was no longer a prisoner. He was here of his own accord, and somehow that made it so much worse. Before, he could have blamed his continued stay in this castle to Morgana, but now the fault was on himself and himself alone. He could leave right now and never look back. Morgana wouldn’t, couldn’t, stop him. He could ride straight towards Camelot and greet his king with open arms, but he didn’t. 

 

Still. It seemed cruel.

 

“I want to write to Arthur.” Merlin said, the words leaving his mouth before he realized it.

 

Morgana froze for a moment. “Why?”

 

“I’ve been missing for nearly half a year.” Merlin started, taking a few steps towards Morgana. They were back in the library. Now that Merlin had his magic back, he could try out the spells alongside Morgana. “I want him to know I’m alright.”

 

“You should let him suffer.”

 

Merlin closed his eyes. “Morgana…”

 

Morgana slammed the book in her hands shut. “Do whatever you want. I don’t care.”

 

Merlin looked back down to her book, the conversation decidedly over. Except… “Would one of your men be able to deliver the message?”

 

Morgana gave a single, curt nod. “Yes.”

 

“Thank you.” Merlin paused, hoping he hadn’t ruined the mood entirely. “I, uh, I found a spell that can trap someone in a tree.”

 

Morgana quirked a smile. “Planning something, are we?”

 

He leaned back against his chair, smiling. “Well, no. Unless you want to bring new meaning to being ‘one with nature’?”

 

“I think I’ll pass.” Morgana walked towards Merlin, grabbing his wrists. She pulled him up without warning, forcing him to drop the book he had been holding. “There’s something I want to show you.”

 

Merlin quirked an eyebrow, but followed Morgana as she led him to the shelves. She pulled a book out from one of the lower shelves. It’s cover was a thick, black leather. She flipped a few pages in until she found the spell she was looking for.

 

“Persuasion magic?” Merlin hesitated. “Morgana, this is dark magic.”

 

“Yes, I know.” Morgana continued as if Merlin was some disapproving parent and nothing more. “Look, I know you don’t want Arthur dead. I thought maybe we could meet in the middle?”

 

Merlin looked confused for several moments before understanding clouded his face. “You… you want to  _ control _ Arthur’s mind?”

 

“He’d live. Isn’t that what you want?”

 

Merlin shook his head, anger clouding his voice. “Arthur is not going to be your… your puppet!”

 

“No.” Morgana agreed. “But he could be yours.”

 

“This is… Morgana.” Merlin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Did you seriously think I would go for this? Did you seriously think I’d be alright with you using dark magic on Arthur? What happened to giving him a chance!?”

 

Morgana closed her eyes. “I thought that, maybe, after everything, your loyalty would be to me instead of him.” She turned away. “Obviously I was wrong.”

 

“This isn’t about loyalty, Morgana!” Merlin turned and took a few steps away, not able to hold in his anger. “This is  _ wrong _ !”

 

“Arthur Pendragon is  _ wrong _ ! What he does to our kind is  _ wrong _ !” Morgana snapped back. “I want to end his tirade! You seem so desperate to keep him alive. I thought I would grant you a kindness by sparring him.”

 

“Sparring his body, maybe, but his soul? His spirit?” Merlin fought back. “Everything that made Arthur  _ Arthur  _ would be gone.”

 

“We could make him act like Arthur. You wouldn’t even be able to notice the change.”

 

“But he would be gone!” Merlin shouted. “How can you look at this and not see that it’s wrong? Are you really that far gone?” Merlin regretted those last words as soon as he said them. Merlin closed his eyes at the look of hurt on Morgana’s face. “We can’t do this. I won’t do it.”

 

Morgana nodded, and made to leave the room.

 

“Morgana.” She paused in the doorway but didn’t turn to face Merlin. “Please don’t make me choose between the two of you.”

 

Morgana didn’t respond. She just left.

 

* * *

 

 

_ Arthur, _

_ I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to contact you. I was not in a position to do so until now. I don’t imagine that you will be able to write back, so I’ll try and to answer as many of your questions as I can think of. After I was captured by the Saxons that attacked the patrol, I was brought before Morgana and held as her prisoner. I remained as such until very recently. I don’t know when I may be able to return to Camelot. I hope to see you soon, but that may not happen.  _

_ I am safe and well at the moment and for the foreseeable future. Things are complicated right now, and I couldn’t hope to ever try and explain it over the course of one letter. I’m not entierly sure how things are going to end up, but I hope for the best.  _

_ Knowing you, I am certain you feel guilt over my capture despite not being at fault. I want you to know that I hold no anger whatsoever towards you. I know you tried to find me, and I know Morgana hid me well. I want you to know that she never tortured me. She threatened me and held me against my will, but she never hurt me. I was not tortured for information on you, Arthur. I need you to know this. My capture was not your fault, nor was my imprisonment. Please do not blame yourself for anything that has happened to me.  _

_ I don’t know how to prove exactly that this letter is indeed from me. I suppose you’ll just have to trust me. I will see you again one day. Soon, I hope.  _

__

_ Your loyal servant, _

_ Merlin  _


	6. Reunions

Merlin made his way the door of Morgana’s room, hesitating for a moment before knocking gently. He sighed at the lack of response and turned the knob to enter. Just as he had assumed, Morgana was inside, looking over some papers at her desk. She turned to glare as he entered.

 

“What’s the point of knocking if you’re going to enter anyways?” 

 

Merlin shrugged mostly to himself. “To make sure I don’t walk in on you changing, I suppose.”

 

Morgana rolled her eyes. “What do you want Merlin? I’m really not in the mood to argue at the moment.”

 

“I didn’t come to argue.” Merlin placated, taking a few more steps into the room. “I just want to talk.”

 

Morgana paused for a long moment before she finally turned to face him. “Fine. What did you want to talk about?”

 

“It’s been five months since your, uh, cease fire. On Arthur.” Merlin plopped down on the foot of her bed. “And he still hasn’t broken our terms.”

 

“He’s killed sorcerers.” Morgana argued, crossing her arms.

 

“Yeah, but not for using magic.” Merlin pointed out. “That was the deal. He’s had two executed- both for treason, not magic.”

 

“What’s your point?” Morgana asked, visibly irritated. 

 

“Well, I mean. That was the point, wasn’t it?” Merlin smiled awkwardly, and Morgana simply raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You were giving Arthur a chance to prove himself to you. Hasn’t he done that?”

 

“Magic is still outlawed in Camelot.”

 

“Yes, well, change like that isn’t going to come quickly, now is it?” Merlin tried.

 

“Where are you going with this Merlin?” Morgana sighed, exasperated. “Get to the point.”

 

“You should make peace with Arthur.”

 

Morgana was silent for several moments. “What?”

 

“Officially, I mean.” Merlin stood and began pacing in front of Morgana. She wasn’t quite sure whether he was doing it consciously or not. “Like, forget the cease fire thing. Meet with him. End the war between the Pendragons for good!”

 

Morgana furrowed her eyebrows. “What does it matter if it’s official or not? I haven’t tried to kill Arthur. Arthur hasn’t tried to kill me. Isn’t that good enough?”

 

“No.” Morgana raised an incredulous eyebrow, and Merlin backtracked. “I mean, yes. It’s great. It is. But as long as the war still continues, Arthur will still be at war with magic. Because that’s what is it, really. Arthur versus Morgana. Camelot versus magic. End the war, and that opens up the opportunity for Arthur to welcome it back into Camelot.”

 

“You think me making peace with him will make his lift the ban on magic?” Morgana’s voice made her disbelief quite evident.

 

“Well, no. Not immediately, anyways. But it could be the catalyst for change.” Merlin stopped pacing and sat back back across from Morgana where they were at eye level with one another. “I mean- what’s the harm, really? Like you said, nothing would change. Why not give it a try?”

 

Morgana was obviously not very pleased with the idea, but she couldn’t look away from Merlin’s clear enthusiasm. The hardest part about this wasn’t the actual peace part. It was meeting with Arthur. Giving up completely. Going back on everything she said she wanted. And who said Arthur would even be willing to make peace?

 

Morgana glanced at Merlin once again and saw the hope burning in his eyes. She sighed. “I’ll consider it.” She continued quickly when he broke out into a grin. “I’m not promising anything, Merlin. I just said I’d consider it.”

 

Merlin’s smile didn’t fade however. “Thank you, Morgana. Really.”

 

And for the second time since Merlin’s capture, she couldn’t stop wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into. 

 

* * *

 

To give Merlin credit, he did manage not to speak of the potential treaty between Morgana and Arthur for two weeks. He knew this was something Morgana would have to decide on her own- without his interference. But the possibility was enough to keep Merlin in a better than average mood. 

 

Finally, Merlin broke the silence. “Have you thought any more on making peace with Arthur?” He tried to speak nonchalantly, but knew he was probably failing in that regard.

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow. For the first time in a long while, they were in Merlin’s room. It was Morgana, this time, lounged across Merlin’s bed while Merlin sat in the chair. It was a strange difference with little explanation. “Yes.”

 

Merlin nodded and waiting for Morgana to continue. “And?” He pressed when a reply was not forthcoming.

 

Morgana sighed, turning to look at him fully. “I sent out a rider yesterday.”

 

“What?” Merlin stood, shock and excitement overwhelming him. “You’re going to meet with him?”

 

“If he agrees.” Morgana answered solemnly. “He may not be willing to meet.”

 

“He will.” Merlin gave a single nod in certainty. “He wants this war to end more than anything. He’ll meet with you.”

 

Morgana stared at him for a long moment, and Merlin was admittedly confused by the morose look on her face. “You should come with me. When I go to meet him.”

 

Merlin’s smile only widened. “I’d be happy to. More than happy. How long do you think it’ll be?”

 

Morgana looked away as if in thought. “I can’t be certain. A few weeks, maybe? If he agrees, he’ll either want to put it off as long as possible or get it over with as soon as he can. It all depends on him, really.”

 

Merlin nodded again. “He’ll probably think it’s a trap, but he’ll still come.”

 

Morgana watched Merlin as he began pacing the room. It wasn’t anxious pacing- merely busy pacing. Too many thoughts going through his mind at once. He was so excited, and that did nothing but fill Morgana with dread. What was to come next wouldn’t be pleasant- not for her at least. 

 

Because to meet with Arthur would be to lose the only happiness she had left.

 

But it had to be done.  

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks passed surprisingly quickly. Arthur, of course, had agreed to meet under certain condition which Morgana reluctantly met. 

 

Merlin stood in the back of the room, hidden from view by the stone pillars. Morgana glanced at him from her spot in the center of the room. There was no one else here. Just the two of them. That was the deal after all. Arthur would only meet if she came alone. He was, of course, allowed to bring his knights. Morgana didn’t think that fair, but considering Morgana (and Merlin’s) magic, the odds were still tilted in Morgana’s favor. 

 

It was midday. Arthur would be here any moment now, and Merlin couldn’t stop shaking.

 

It had been  _ six months  _ since they had last seen each other. 

 

And Arthur would be here. Soon.

 

The sound of door clattering open shocked Merlin out of his thoughts. Arthur Pendragon had arrived. 

 

“Morgana.” Arthur’s voice was the same as it had always been, but there was anger laced in it. Anger towards Morgana. Merlin wasn’t particularly expecting that, but it also wasn’t surprising. 

 

“Arthur.” Morgana smiled, though it was obviously fake and filled with distaste. “How good it is to see you, brother. You have come to make peace?”

 

“After everything you’ve done? No.” Merlin could hear Arthur taking a few steps forward. “You killed our father. You’ve murdered hundreds of innocents. You’ve betrayed me and tried to kill me. No. No, I don’t trust a word you say.”

 

“Then why are you here, if not to make peace?” Morgana didn’t seem shocked by Arthur’s reaction. If anything, it seemed like she had expected nothing less.

 

“I am here for Merlin.” 

 

“Hm.” Morgana hummed, taking a step backwards. “Are you, now?”

 

“I don’t know what kind of sick game you were playing when you sent Merlin to Ealdor.” Merlin heard Arthur draw his sword. “I had thought him dead only find Hunith in Camelot telling me that she saw Merlin alive… and in your hands. Then you send a letter to me, pretending to be Merlin. I take it you saw the searches and wanted to put us off your trail. I admit, you have me for a moment. I really thought it was from Merlin, but it wasn’t, was it?”

 

“Yes. It was.” And Merlin stepped out from behind the pillar. 

 

Arthur looked the same as he always did. It was almost surprising how little he had appeared to have changed, but it had only been six months. People don’t tend to change all that much in such a period of time. Merlin wasn’t quite sure what he had been expecting. Behind him stood Gwaine, Leon, Elyan, and Percival. They all seemed as shocked as Arthur.

 

“Merlin?” Arthur lowered his sword. The tip of it clanked against the stone floor. 

 

Merlin smiled. “Hello, Arthur.” And with that, Merlin couldn’t stop himself from running towards the king. He wrapped his arms around him and was only slightly surprised to feel the man return his affections. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Merlin couldn’t help but whisper into Arthur’s neck.

 

They stayed like that for several moments before Arthur pulled back. “Merlin… you…”

 

Merlin smiled again and let out a choked laugh. “It’s a long story, but I’ll explain everything. I swear to you, I will. I’ll tell you everything.”

 

“He is my peace offering to you, Arthur Pendragon.” Morgana interrupted, making Merlin swivel away from Arthur and towards her. “Do you accept?”

 

“I do.” Arthur said without hesitation, one hand resting on Merlin’s shoulder.

 

“Then take him and go.” Morgana turned to leave.

 

“Morgana?” Merlin called out, confusion overriding everything else. She stopped, but Merlin didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t tell her to take him with her. He was with Arthur again, and he didn’t want to leave him, but that didn’t mean he wanted to leave Morgana either.

 

His silence was apparently answer enough. Morgana didn’t glace back, but she did pause briefly in the doorway. “Goodbye.”

 

And she left.

 

She left Merlin.

 

Merlin had promised not to leave, but he supposed Morgana had never done the same.

 

A strong arm gripped Merlin’s arm, making him turn back to the group of red. It was Gwaine, who enveloped Merlin is a bone-crushing hug. The other knights were not as affectionate, but they showed they joy at seeing Merlin again with a pat on the back and a kind word. Arthur seemed the most hesitant, still unsure of this Merlin standing before him. 

 

Merlin forced himself to smile at his king. “Home?”

 

Arthur stared for a moment before nodding in return. “Home.”

 

* * *

 

Gwen was the first to spot him as he entered Camelot. Her hands covered her mouth in shock, and a tear rolled down her cheek. She rushed forward, wrapping Merlin in a hug. 

 

“You’re alive.” Gwen whispered, pulling away to look at him properly. “You’re alive.”

 

“Yes I am… my lady.” Merlin added on as an afterthought, noting the crown and regal wear. 

 

“Merlin…” Guilt was forming in Gwen’s eyes. “If we had… If we had known you were still alive, we would have held off the wedding. We tried to wait until you were back, but we began to believe you’d never return to us.”

 

“You...” Merlin glanced at Arthur for a moment before looking back at Gwen. “That’s why it took you two so long to get married? You were… waiting for me?” The thought filled Merlin with warmth, wrapped in another layer of guilt. 

 

“It just seemed wrong to do it without you, Merlin.” She closed her eyes. “I’m sorry. If we had waited…”

 

“Six months?” Merlin shook his head. “Gwen, please. I’m happy for you. Don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

 

Gwen smiled, though Merlin wasn’t sure she believed his words as guilt seemed to still hang over her features. 

 

“Alright. Gaius. You need Gaius.” Arthur began to push Merlin toward the castle and in the direction of Gaius’s chambers. Merlin thought to protest at first as he was not injured, but then the overwhelming urge to see him mentor once again overrided that.

 

When they reached the physician's chambers, Merlin hesitated at the door. Finally, after a long moment, he pushed it open. Gaius was facing away from the door, leaning over some concoction at his table. 

 

“Gaius?” It was barely more than a whisper.

 

The older man froze at the voice, turning slowly to face Merlin standing in the doorway. “Merlin?”

 

Merlin’s face broke into a grin, and he ran forward, wrapping his arms around the older man. Gaius had, admittedly, not been on Merlin’s mind as much as Arthur had been during his time away, but he had missed him all the same. “I’m sorry.” It was the same words Merlin had whispered into Arthur’s ears not long ago. 

 

“My boy.” Gaius said. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

 

Merlin glanced back at the doorway, surprised and a little disappointed to see that Arthur had left. 

 

Gaius grabbed at Merlin’s wrists. “Your mother… she said that…”

 

“They’re gone.” Merlin raised his arms so Gaius could see them clearly. “They’re gone.”

 

Gaius broke out into a grin of his own, taking in ward into another hug. “Welcome home, Merlin.”

 

* * *

 

Arthur’s room had changed fairly dramatically since he last saw it. It now housed two people instead of one and was decidedly more tidy. That last fact could have easily been the result of Arthur having a manservant besides Merlin.

 

Two days had past since Merlin had return to Camelot. The king seemed to want Merlin to settle back in first before the questioning began. 

 

“The letter.” Arthur began. “You wrote it?” 

 

Merlin nodded.

 

“Were you under duress?”

 

Merlin shook his head. “I asked Morgana if I could write to you. I wanted you to know I was alright. If I had known that it would only cause you more concern, I would have never sent it. I’m sorry.” 

 

Arthur nodded. “And the contents of the letter. Were they true?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Arthur reached over to said letter on his desk, reading it over again. “It says that you were no longer Morgana’s captive. Obviously that was not true.”

 

“It was.” Merlin paused for a moment. “A week before I sent that letter to you, Morgana was no longer holding me by force.”

 

Arthur raised an eyebrow at Merlin. “What does that mean, exactly?”

 

“It means…” Merlin took a deep breath. “It means I stayed by choice.”

 

Arthur shook his head, confusion and disbelief written across his face. “Why? She kidnapped you. Why would you stay with her?”

 

“Morgana was my friend once. You know that.” Arthur nodded once. “When she betrayed us, I thought the Morgana we knew was gone forever. While I was still her prisoner, I realized that that was not true.” Merlin shook his head. “She’s still in there, Arthur. I saw it. She’s still so afraid, and that fear has become hatred, but she’s still there. When I saw that, I… I thought that maybe… maybe I could bring her back.

 

“When she first captured me, she told me she was going to kill me, but then she didn’t. Then she told me she was going to use me against Camelot, against you, but she didn’t. I was confused for the longest time. I didn’t understand why I was there, but now I do. She was lonely, Arthur. She was so desperately alone that she was willing to keep me as her prisoner for company.

 

“I couldn’t leave her.” Merlin closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t leave her, especially after what the Sarrum had done to her-”

 

“Sarrum?” Arthur interrupted.

 

“The Sarrum of Amata. He captured Morgana and tortured her for two years.” Merlin watched the shock fill Arthur’s eyes. “You didn’t know…”

 

“Of course I didn’t know!”

 

Merlin smiled. “I knew you hadn’t. Morgana is convinced otherwise. She… she seems to believe that you knew about it. I tried to tell her that you didn’t, but she wasn’t inclined to listen.”

 

Arthur nodded, the revelation that his sister had gone through such cruelty still on his mind. “So you stayed because you thought you could help her?”

 

Merlin nodded. “I tried to convince her to make peace with you, and she did. That in it of itself is proof that she has changed.”

 

“And you believe Morgana will keep this peace?”

 

“Yes.” Merlin confirmed. “I believe she will.”

 

Arthur closed his eyes, as if a huge weight had been lifted off him. “One last thing.” He took a breath. “In the letter, you said that… you said that Morgana had never hurt you. She never questioned you about me. Never… tortured you. Was that true?”

 

Merlin smiled. “Yes, sire.”

 

Arthur leaned back in his chair, setting the letter down on his desk. Relief was clearly etched on his features. “Thank you, Merlin.”

 

“Of course.” Merlin hesitated, not sure if this is his cue to leave. When Arthur said, nothing else, he stood and made his way towards the door.

 

“Merlin?”

 

He turned. “Yes?”

 

Arthur spoke softly. “It’s good to have you back.”

 

Merlin broke out in a grin. “It’s good to be back, sire.”


	7. Unwanted Alliances

“Which would you prefer?” Merlin asked, pulling two jackets out of the closet. “Blue or red?”

 

Arthur glanced up from the papers at his desk, giving Merlin a half-hearted shrug.

 

“You’re right. Red, of course. You’re representing Camelot after all.” Merlin hung the blue jacket back onto its hanger and laid the red jacket on Arthur’s bed. He looked back at Arthur as he made his way towards the cupboard. “What are you working on?”

 

Arthur sighed, placing his quill into the ink pot. “My speech.”

 

“Want any help?” Merlin opened the cupboard door, grabbing one of the belts inside, and placed it alongside the jacket on the bed.

 

“No, Merlin.” Arthur ran a hand across his face.

 

“Are you sure?” Merlin tried again, leaning against the bedpost with a smile.

 

“Something tells me that any speech you wrote for Sarrum would be less than appropriate.” Arthur watched the amused look on Merlin’s face fade into something more morose. “He won’t be here long. He’ll be gone before you know it.”

 

“I don’t see why he has to be here at all.” Merlin mumbled mostly to himself, but Arthur heard him anyways.

 

“You are well aware of the purpose of this treaty.” Arthur berated lightly. He sighed when Merlin’s mood remained solemn. “I know how you feel about him. Believe me, I don’t like the man either. But he’s a powerful potential ally. Things have been tense between Amata and Camelot recently. This treaty will prevent the possibility of war. I can’t pass that up.”

 

“I know.” Merlin relented. “It’s the right thing to do for Camelot. That doesn’t mean I have to like it”

 

“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Arthur gave Merlin a small smile that he returned.

 

“When is he arriving exactly?” Merlin returned to preparing Arthur’s outfit. He would be wearing his chainmail and cape for Sarrum’s arrival, but would change into something more comfortable for the welcoming feast. 

 

“Tomorrow evening.” 

 

Merlin paused, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I thought he was supposed to come sometime today?”

 

“He was supposed to originally, but his party got held up. He sent a scout ahead to let us know he’d be late.”

 

Merlin looked down to the outfit he had been preparing. “Why didn’t you tell me? You don’t need these tonight!”

 

“Well.” Arthur began, attempting and failing to stop the smirk that was unfolding across his lips. “You seemed so enthusiastic about it, I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

 

Merlin glared at the king for a long moment, watching Arthur’s smile grow. He huffed, grabbing Arthur’s jacket and shoving it less than neatly back into the closet. Arthur raised an eyebrow, and Merlin reopened the closet, hanging the jacket up properly. Merlin was the one who’d have to deal with the wrinkles anyways. 

 

“Arthur.” Gwen chided as she entered the room. “Don’t be rude.”

 

Merlin turned to smirk at Arthur. Gwen was usually on his side, even when she didn’t know the context of the feud- much to Arthur’s frustration. Perks of having been presumed dead, Merlin thought. Sure, it had been two years since his return, but he had been ‘dead’ for half a year. It was difficult for anyone to be angry with him after that. It had come in handy on many occasions.

 

Except for the cook.

 

Merlin sometimes thought that the cook preferred him when he was dead.

 

* * *

 

“I feel we have much in common.” Arthur commented, looking towards Sarrum. 

 

The feast prepared for the visiting king was of course quite grand, and the man seemed to be enjoying it. Having to refill the goblet of the man who tortured and imprisoned Morgana for years was a far more difficult task than it should have been, but Merlin coped nonetheless. 

 

“We share many allies and friends. Also an enemy.” Arthur continued. 

 

“Sorcery.” Sarrum muttered with a nod, disgust clear in his voice. 

 

“This is a rumor,” Arthur began, glancing towards Merlin briefly. “That you held Morgana prisoner. Is it true?”

 

“She’s nothing to be feared.” Sarrum confirmed, taking a long sip from his goblet. “I kept her like an animal.”

 

Arthur looked visibly uncomfortable at the comparison. “How did you capture her? She’s… a sorceress. A high priestess.”

 

Sarrum smiled at that, his teeth peeking out from behind his lips. “A simple tool: created by magic, against magic. Funny how they would turn against their own kind.” At Arthur’s confused look, he continued. “A pair of manacles forged over a hundred years ago. Once bound, the witch was powerless. Such a shame. All that power, all that beauty, abandoned, forgotten in a living grave. ”

 

“You’re a harsh judge, Lord Sarrum.” Arthur countered, and Sarrum frowned.

 

“When it comes to sorcery, we must be merciless. I was not merciless enough. Morgana escaped. A lapse on my part, but I will not be so foolish again. I will not allow her to escape again.”

 

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows. “Again?”

 

“I managed to recapture her but a few months ago. She is back in her pit where she belongs.”

 

Merlin’s blood ran cold, and he nearly dropped the pitcher in his hands. Arthur seemed less than pleased by this news but said nothing, allowing the rest of the feast to carry on with little mention of magic. 

 

No. She couldn’t be with him. Not again. Not after everything she went through already. 

 

Merlin was so lost in though, he nearly didn’t notice when Arthur dismissed himself and left the hall. 

 

* * *

 

“He has her again.” Merlin whispered loud enough for Arthur to hear once they returned to his room. “Arthur…”

 

“Yes. I heard.” Arthur replied, unbuckling his cape.

 

“It isn’t right.” Merlin shook his head. “She doesn’t deserve that.”

 

“She’s hurt a lot of people, Merlin.”

 

“ _ No one _ deserves that.” Merlin corrected. “To live in a hole in the ground. It would be kinder just to kill her.”

 

Arthur didn’t respond to that, instead peeling of his shirt and taking the new one Merlin offered him. 

 

“I can’t…”

 

“You can’t what?” Arthur questioned, turning to look at Merlin completely. 

 

“I can’t just sit back and let her suffer like that.”

 

“You can and you will.” He said firmly, looking eyes on his servant. “You are not to approach Lord Sarrum in anyway.”

 

Merlin gave an exasperated huff. “I wasn’t planning on it, believe me.”

 

“So what were you planning then? Hm?” Arthur took a few steps closer to Merlin.    
“What? Were you thinking about going on some one man adventure to rescue the damsel in distress?”

 

Merlin’s lack of response meant Arthur’s statement was far more correct than he meant it to be. 

 

“No. Don’t you dare even consider it. Sneaking into Amata? Finding Morgana? Getting her out? You’d be killed in an instant. Don’t be an idiot.” Arthur shook his head when Merlin still didn’t respond. “Don’t make me put guards on your door, Merlin. I don’t want to, but I will.”

 

Merlin looked up at that, anger fueling his words. “She’s your sister. You know that right? I don’t blame you for hating her, not after everything she’s done, but to sit back and let her be tortured? To not even care?” Merlin backed towards the door. “And you call  _ her  _ the monster.” 

 

Before Arthur could even respond, Merlin turned and left, slamming the door shut behind him. 

 

* * *

 

The peace talks took place the following evening. All things had gone as planned. Amata and Camelot would be from this point allies to assist one another in the event of war or great need. The prospect of fighting against magic was the greatest point that brought them together.

 

“There is one amendment I would like to make to our treaty.” Arthur spoke firmly, placing his folding hands on the table. “Morgana. I want her custody to be transferred to me.”

 

Merlin starred openly at Arthur from his place by the pillar. Arthur hadn’t mentioned this to him. Was this a spur of the moment decision? No. Arthur doesn’t make spur of the moment decisions- certainly not about something this important. 

 

The Sarrum’s eyebrows furrowed in displeasure. “Whatever could you want with my prisoner?”

 

“She is an enemy of Camelot first and foremost.” Arthur replied. It wasn’t entirely true, what with her peace offering and such, but she had still committed crimes against the crown. The quickly formed peace treaty had been flimsy at best and more like a two-sided cease fire than anything else. “And she escaped from you once before. Such a thing means more danger to Camelot than Amata.”

 

“I can assure you, Arthur, the witch will not escape from me once again.”

 

“Be that as it may,” Arthur continued, narrowing his eyes. “I want her imprisoned here where I can keep an eye on her.”

 

Sarrum was obvious not pleased with this new turn of events, but gave the King a reluctant nod. “Very well.”

 

“I shall have some of my knights accompany you back to Amata, if that is agreeable. They will return with Morgana in tow.”

 

The meeting concluded not long after with a less than pleased but overall satisfied Sarrum. Merlin followed Arthur at his heels as the king retreated to his chambers, guilt and hope pilling in his gut.

 

“Arthur…” Merlin began, closing the door behind him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

 

“No. You shouldn’t have.” Arthur agreed, but there was no venom in his words. “No matter what she’s done, she’s still my sister. I wouldn’t have her tortured when there was something I could do about it.” A pause. “I’m not a monster after all.”

 

Merlin smiled broadly, which made Arthur shake his head. 

 

“She’s still a prisoner, but she won’t be hurt.” Arthur looked at Merlin with an uneasy but firm expression. “Please don’t try to convince me to let her go. It isn’t going to happen.”

 

Merlin shook his head rapidly. “No, no. I understand. She’s dangerous. Plus, I doubt the Sarrum would appreciate it if he ever found out.”

 

Arthur, satisfied, gave him a single nod. “Indeed.”

 

The Sarrum would be gone in the morning, and soon the witch herself would be here to replace him. One could only hope that this wouldn’t backfire tremendously

 

* * *

 

When Morgana arrived in Camelot almost two weeks later, it was clear to Merlin almost immediately that all was not alright. Not that he expected it to be. In the time he had spent with Morgana, it was clear that she was still haunted by what happened to her with the Sarrum. To be recaptured by him was not something to be taken lightly. She was not alright. That much was certain. 

 

Merlin started to walk down the steps to the courtyard, only to be stopped by a hand on his chest. He looked to Arthur, who seemed less than enthusiastic about Merlin getting anywhere near her. Despite his overwhelming need to approach her, Merlin stayed put. The council was already on edge about having her in Camelot. This wasn’t the time to disobey his king- not publically. 

 

Arthur walked past Merlin and down the steps. The four knights, none of whom Merlin knew personally, backed away from their prisoner as the king approached. Magic restraints were wrapped around Morgana’s wrists, leaving her powerless. The sight of them made Merlin flinch, but to have them removed would be impossible. Arthur would not allow her to have access to her magic while seeking refuge in Camelot.

 

“Morgana.” Arthur voice was not gentle nor was it meant to be intimidating. It was the voice of a king. Morgana raised her head, attempting to stand straight under his gaze, but said nothing. “In light of Camelot’s new treaty with Amata, your custody has been released to me. You are to remain here.” Arthur glanced towards one of the knights with a nod. “Your old chambers have been prepared for you. A guard will remain on your door. Do you understand?”

 

Once again, Morgana said nothing, glaring at Arthur with furious eyes. Arthur seemed to accept the silence, and took a few steps back. Merlin watched as the knights began escorting her up the stairs and into the castle. He tried to catch her eye as she walked past him, but she remained looking forward. 

 

Arthur sighed, walking back towards Merlin. “Maybe the council was right. This was a mistake.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “The alternative is Morgana being tortured- possibility for the rest of her life.  No matter what she’s done, no one deserves that.” He glanced at Arthur, who was starring in the direction Morgana went. “You did the right thing.”

 

“I hope so, Merlin.” Arthur pursed his lips. “I hope so.”


	8. Formed and Broken Ties

Two days went by before Arthur allowed Merlin to see Morgana. Even then, he seemed less than pleased about it. It took Merlin’s reminder that her magic was indeed bound for him to finally relent. 

 

“You know she’s not your friend, right?” Arthur had said, looking at Merlin with concern. “No matter what she’s done or said, she isn’t a friend of Camelot’s. You do know that, right?”

 

Merlin had just nodded, because of course he knew that. Of course he knew Morgana wasn’t a friend of Camelot’s. But she was Merlin’s friend. More than that, maybe. Or maybe not anymore. It had been two years since she sent him away. Things happen. Things change. It would do best not to go in with any expectations. 

 

But they were friends. Arthur was wrong about that.

 

When Merlin approached the door, the guard stepped aside. Clearly, Arthur had made the guards aware of his eventual visit. He knocked gently on the door, entering after a few moments with no response. 

 

Morgana was sat on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest. She didn’t look up as he entered.

 

“Morgana?” At his voice, she did finally look up, some shock evident on her face. He tried to smile, taking a few steps towards the bed. “Sorry it took so long. It took a bit to convince Arthur to let me come.”

 

She said nothing, watching Merlin as he walked towards her. As soon as he was within range, she reached out her arms, pulling him close to her. She buried her head in his chest, and after a moment, Merlin realized that she was crying. 

 

Merlin maneuvered them until he was sat down on the bed next to her. Morgana’s hands were clenched tightly in Merlin’s shirt, and her head now laid on his shoulder. Merlin wrapped his arms around her after a moment, holding her close. They stayed like this for several minutes before Morgana’s grip finally loosened, and Merlin released her. 

 

“Merlin.” Morgana breathed, looking up to meet his eyes. “I missed you.”

 

There was a time that those words would have been difficult for her to admit. But now, it seemed as if there was no point in denying them. Merlin smiled, reaching a hand up to brush a strand of hair away from her face. “I missed you, too.” His smile fell after a moment. “I’m so sorry. If I had any idea you had been recaptured…”

 

“I know.” She whispered, gripping one of Merlin’s hand in her own, her lips quirking. “It’s ironic, isn’t it?”

 

“Hm?” Merlin hummed, raising an eyebrow. 

“It seems this time I’m your prisoner.”

 

Merlin shook his head gently, “No. It’s not like that.” He placed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. “You’re safe here. I promise.”

 

Morgana reached up to cup Merlin’s cheek. “I know.” She leaned forward, pressing her lips against his own pliant ones. Merlin froze at first. They hadn’t done this since the night she released his magic.

 

Morgana seemed to notice his hesitation and began to retreat. Merlin surged forward, running his hand through her hair as he met her lips in a gentle kiss. It must not have been as gentle as he thought as Morgana let out a small gasp of pain. 

 

Merlin let go, leaning back. “Sorry, I-”

 

Morgana shook her head, waving him off. “No, it’s fine. I- knots.”

 

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly to the side. “Knots?”

 

“My hair.” Morgana clarified. “It’s knotted.” She looked away, as if ashamed for Merlin- for anyone- to see her like this. 

 

Merlin looked at her hair and noticed for the first time the mess of tangles. “We can fix that now, if you want. I can help you. Where’s a brush?”

 

Morgana looked up, glancing at the rest of the room. “I don’t have one. I already checked.”

 

“Oh.” Merlin replied quietly.

 

“Besides.” Morgana began, shrugging. “I’d need a knife to fix this mess, and I imagine Arthur would be less than inclined to give me a weapon.”

 

“I’ll bring one.” Merlin interjected. “A brush, I mean. And a knife.”

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Arthur won’t approve.”

 

“He doesn’t have to know.” Merlin placated. “It’s not like I’d leave it here. I’d just bring it for the hair and take it with me when I leave.”

 

Morgana watched him for a moment before nodding. “Yes. Okay.”

 

Merlin smiled, squeezing her hand. “It’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”

 

Morgana gave him a small smile in return that didn’t wasn’t entirely convincing. “Alright.”

 

Merlin looked towards the door, than back at Morgana. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I promised Arthur I wouldn’t stay very long. But I’ll be back to tomorrow. With a brush. I promise.”

 

He released her hand, waiting for Morgana’s small nod of acknowledgement before walking towards the door. 

 

“Merlin?” Merlin turned back towards Morgana, who gave him another slightly more convincing smile. “Thank you.”

 

Merlin nodded with a grin. “It’s good to have you back.”

 

And then he left, the door sliding shut behind him.

 

* * *

 

“Gwen?” Merlin peaked his head around the doorway. Arthur was at training, without Merlin for once, meaning the queen would be alone in their chambers.

 

Gwen turned at the voice, smiling at the welcome intruder. “Merlin. Are you not joining Arthur in training today?”

 

Merlin let out a short huff of laughter. “Thankfully no. He’s doing maces today, which he knows I’m even more useless with than swords.”

 

The queen’s smile widened. It was true. It had been true since Arthur and Merlin first met, and they had their mace fight in the town. Merlin was dreadful with that particular weapon, and no amount of practice with Arthur seemed to change that. “What can I do for you, Merlin?”

 

“Uh. Well. Here’s the thing.” Merlin began, and Gwen raised an amused eyebrow. “Do you have a brush I can borrow. Or a comb. Or something.”

 

“Well, yes, Merlin. I do.” Gwen began, confusion mixing with her still present amusement. “But might I add that they are meant for women. And despite what Arthur may say, you are not a woman.”

 

“Thank you, my lady, for pointing that out.” Merlin rolled his eyes, taking a few steps deeper into the room. “It’s not for me. It’s just, I saw Morgana yesterday, and her hair is all tangled from the Sarrum. She doesn’t have a brush, and I told her I’d bring her one. But then I realized I don’t actually have one. So I was wondering if maybe…”

 

All the amusement seemed to leave Gwen’s face at Merlin’s stumbling words. “Morgana doesn’t have a brush?”

 

“Uh. No.” Merlin shook his head. “I wouldn’t ask, but it’s really quite knotted, and it’s hurting her a bit, I think.”

 

“Of course.” Gwen walked towards her vanity, opening one of the drawers. She drew out one of the brushes and handed it to Merlin. “It must not have crossed Arthur’s mind.”

 

“Yeah.” Merlin nodded, taking the brush. “Thank you. I’ll bring it back-”

 

“She can keep it, Merlin. Heaven knows I have some to spare nowadays.” Gwen gave Merlin a gentle, but concerned smile. “How is she?”

 

“She’s... “ Merlin began, the question being more difficult to answer than he anticipated. “She’s as well as can be expected. All things considering.”

 

Gwen nodded. “Be careful, Merlin.”

 

“I will.” Merlin responded, choosing at this point not to argue. Morgana wasn’t a danger to him. Especially with her magic bound. “Thank you, again.” And then he turned to leave, Gwen watching him with obvious concern still present in her eyes. 

 

* * *

 

Merlin didn’t bother knocking this time before entering the room. Morgana was sat cross-legged on the bed, turning towards him when the door opened. 

 

He raised the brush when he saw her, grinning. “I’ve got the good stuff.”

 

“And the knife?” Morgana asked, moving to stand.

 

“Oh. Yes.” Merlin reached into his jacket, putting out a small dagger. “Had to sneak it past the guards.”

 

Morgana nodded in understanding and took the knife from his grip. She walked over to the full-length mirror and began to cut away at the largest knots. The ones on the side of her head were the easiest as she had a clear view of them. The trouble began when she reached the knots at the back of the head- especially as that was where most of them were. 

 

“I can help.” Merlin finally said after watching her struggle for a moment. “If you want, I mean.”

 

Morgana glanced at her, looking more unsure than he’d seen her in awhile. She nodded hesitantly, clearly not overjoyed at the idea. Merlin reached to take the knife from her hold and began working on the biggest knot in the middle of the back of her head. It was a rather large chunk of hair, but there was no salvaging it. 

 

Many minutes went by in silence as Merlin continued cutting, attempting to clear away the knots while removing as little hair as possible. Handfuls of hair had accumulated on the floor when Merlin finally finished, placing the knife down on the table. He exchanged it for the brush, and when Morgana didn’t protest, he began running it down her locks. With the knots gone, it was much easier to comb. 

 

Eventually Morgana took the brush from him and continued by herself. When she finally placed with brush down next to the knife, Merlin reached up to run his fingers through her newly brushed hair.

 

“It looks nice.” Merlin said, realizing a moment later the awkwardness of the situation. 

 

Morgana didn’t seem to notice however. “It feels nice.”

 

It didn’t resemble the hair she used to have before leaving Camelot. It was far too damaged for that- not the mention the unevenness brought about by the knot removal. It did, however, look much better. 

 

“Thank you.” Morgana said quietly.

 

“It was no problem.” Merlin smiled, reaching down sweep up the forgotten knots into a stray bin. 

 

When he finished, Morgana reached down to grab his arm, tugging his towards the bed. He complied with the demand and sat himself down next to her. She placed her head against his shoulder, holding onto his arm in a tight grip.

 

“What’s going to happen?”

 

Merlin turned to look at her. “What do you mean?”

 

“With me.” Morgana whispered. “What is he going to do with me?”

 

“Arthur?” Merlin raised an eyebrow. “He brought you here to get you away from the Sarrum. He’s not going to kill you, if that’s what your wondering.”

 

“Am I to spend the rest of my days in this room?”

 

The question took Merlin off guard for he didn’t know the answer. Would Arthur release her eventually? Didn’t that break the agreement with the Sarrum? Or was Arthur not obligated to keep her prisoner? Would she eventually be allowed to roam the castle? The city? Merlin found it unlikely. 

 

“I… I don’t know.” Merlin leaned his head against the top of Morgana’s. “But it’s better than the Sarrum, surely?” He paused, and continued when there was no response. “Everything will be fine. Whatever happens. It’ll be fine.”  

 

“I wouldn’t mind. Never leaving.” Morgana tightened her grip on Merlin. “Not if you were here.”

 

She didn’t mean it. Merlin knew she didn’t. She wouldn’t ever be happy as a prisoner, with or without Merlin. 

 

It didn’t stop Merlin’s response. “I’ll be here.”

 

“Will you stay?” Morgana asked, tilting her head up to look at him. “Tonight?”

 

Merlin hesitated, his brow creasing in concern. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Arthur won’t like it. If you’re having nightmares, Gaius could prepare you a sleeping draft like he used to.”

 

A dark look crossed her face. “I don’t want anything from him. Especially not that draft.”

 

Merlin sighed softly. “He was just trying to help.”

 

“He tried to drown away my vision.” Morgana scoffed. “It never helped.”

 

Merlin looked at her for a long moment, letting out a breath. “Alright. I’ll stay.”

 

Morgana didn’t smile. She just curled her arm around his tighter. “Thank you.”

 

“Of course.” Arthur wouldn’t like it, but he would deal with Arthur. This was more important.

 

* * *

 

Gaius, of course, was the first to notice Merlin’s new sleeping habits. This was to be expected, considering he did live with the man. Gaius hadn’t said anything, however. He had merely raised a disapproving eyebrow upon Merlin’s arrival the next morning and left it at that.

 

It took Arthur three days to find out.

 

“Merlin.” Arthur stared at his servant as he entered the room, disapproval and near anger clear on his features. He sat at his desk, elbows propped and fingers laced together. “Would you please explain to me why you’ve been sleeping in Morgana’s chambers.”

 

Merlin’s mouth opened slightly, not expecting the question first thing in the morning. “I, um, well. I mean, we’re not... We aren’t- if that’s what your thinking. That’s not…”

 

Arthur raised a hand to cut him off, clearly not amused. “What the hell  _ have  _ you been doing?”

 

“She gets nightmares, Arthur.” Merlin tried, his sentences more formed than before. “About the Sarrum. She did before, too. It got better, but it’s worse again. It helps if I’m there.”

 

Arthur shook his head. “And you didn’t think to let me know? I was looking for you last night and couldn’t find you. I nearly got the knights together to form a search party before Gaius found me and told me where you’d been these past few nights.”

 

Ah. So Gaius was to blame. 

 

“And if I had told you, would you have allowed me to do it?” Merlin questioned, crossing his arms. “Look. I’m sorry, but she needs me. She’s scared, and you wouldn’t have let me if I had asked.”

 

Arthur stood suddenly, taking a few steps towards Merlin. “I let you visit her because I trusted you. I trusted that you wouldn’t let yourself get wrapped up in her hold. Obviously I was wrong.”

 

“She doesn’t have me in a hold!” Merlin cried incredulously. “She’s  _ terrified _ , Arthur. Excuse me for having a bit of compassion.”

 

“It’s more than that, Merlin!” Arthur ran a hand through his hair. “From the moment she arrived- no. From the moment you heard the Sarrum speak her name, she’s been all you’ve thought about. As soon as she got here, all you’ve wanted was to see her and even that wasn’t enough. You don’t get it, do you? How messed up this all is?”

 

“Then please, sire. Enlighten me.” Merlin answered, anger lacing his own voice.

 

“She held you captive, Merlin. For six months- and don’t tell me she wasn’t holding you captive because she was, alright? She kidnapped you, yet now that she’s here, you want to show her  _ compassion _ . You should hate her, Merlin! You should have wanted her to rot with the Sarrum, but you don’t!” Arthur took another step towards Merlin. “She did something to you! She’s messed you up! You’re- she’s got you wrapped around her finger, and you don’t even know it.”

 

“You’re wrong.” Merlin shook his head. “You don’t know what happened. You don’t understand.”

 

“You’re right. I don’t. Because you won’t talk about it. You won’t ever talk about it. Please.” Arthur gestured towards a chair at his table. “Sit down and tell me every single thing that happened in your captivity. Every detail. Maybe then, I’ll understand.” Arthur paused, then continued when Merlin said nothing. “Exactly. You won’t.”

 

“Arthur…” The anger seemed to leave Merlin’s voice, leaving guilt and exhaustion. “It’s not like that.”

 

“I’ve been talking to Gaius about it.” Arthur started, his own fury bleeding into concern. “He says he’s seen this before- where a hostage will begin to care about their captor. He says it isn’t uncommon. We can work through this.”

 

Arthur reached out, and Merlin jerked back. “I know what you’re talking about. That’s not what this is.”

 

Arthur shook his head, looking away. “I’m sorry. This is my fault. I should have never let you see her.”

 

“Arthur…”

 

“This ends now. I’ll tell the guards not to let you in.”

 

“Arthur!” Merlin grabbed his arm as he passed by to leave the room. “Please, Arthur. You don’t understand. She needs me. She’s scared- terrified. I know it doesn’t look like it, but she is. I’m the only one she trusts here. Please don’t take that away.”

 

“I won’t let you be hurt for her sake, Merlin. She’s hurt you enough.”

 

“Please.” Merlin tried again, tightening his grip. “I’ll do anything you want, Arthur. Please. Just don’t do this.”

 

Arthur stared at him for a long moment. “Merlin. Your reaction just proves that I’m right.” He peeled Merlin’s fingers off of his arm. “I’m sorry. My decision is final.” 

 

And with that, Arthur left his chambers, leaving Merlin alone.

 

And Merlin was, at that moment, so very alone.

 

* * *

 

 

“You told Arthur where I was?” Merlin entered Gaius’s chambers, shutting the door loudly behind him.

 

Gaius looked up as he entered. “He was concerned. Of course I told him where you were.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “He’s forbidden me from seeing her now.”

 

Gaius, however, did not appear disturbed by this information. If anything, he seemed quite content with it. “Is that so?”

 

“Yes.” Merlin said slowly. “It is.”

 

“Well.” Gaius stirred the mixture he had boiling over a flame. “Perhaps it’s for the best.”

 

“No.” Merlin shook his head, walking towards the older man. “No. It’s not.”

 

Gaius sighed, turning to face Merlin completely. “Merlin-”

 

“No. No, you don’t get to do this.” Merlin wasn’t quite yelling, but it was a near thing. “You told Arthur that I- that I what, exactly? That she’s manipulating me? That she’s using me? Using me for what? A brush?”

 

“We’re worried about you, Merlin.” Gaius said calmly. “You have to understand that.”

 

“I’m worried about her!” Merlin took a breath. “You don’t know what she’s been through. I don’t even know- not entierly. But I know what it’s done to her.” He shook his head. “Arthur thinks I’m keeping things from him, which I am, but not for the reason he thinks! He wants to know what happened during my captivity- well, I would spend most of my day reading magic books and staring out my window. Some days Morgana and I would practice magic together. I’m sure the king would love to hear about that!

 

Merlin sighed deeply. “He thinks… I don’t know what he thinks. Maybe he thinks I’m under an enchantment, but I’m not, okay? You know that, right?”

 

Gaius didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Merlin’s eyes widened. “You think I’m enchanted?” His voice was incredulous. “I am  _ not  _ enchanted. Go ahead. Test me with whatever you want! I’m not-”

 

“I know, Merlin.” Gaius placated, raising a hand to cut Merlin off. “I know you’re not enchanted.” He paused. “Sometimes I just wish you were.”

 

“Excuse me?” Merlin raised an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

“It means.” Gaius put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “There would at least be a way to reverse it if that were the case. There would be an explanation. Arthur’s worried about you, and so am I. Wouldn’t you be? What if it had been Gwen? What if she was kidnapped, only to come back with nothing more than good things to say about her captor. What if she wanted to protect them, despite holding her captive for half a year. Surely you understand?”

 

Merlin closed his eyes. “Okay. Yeah. I get it. But it’s different. I promise, she didn’t do anything to me. I  _ hated  _ her in the beginning, but then I saw the real Morgana again. Can you blame me for not wanting to let that go?”

 

Gaius looked at him with such pitying eyes that Merlin had to look away. “Of course, but you must let it go. No good will come out of this.”

 

Merlin shook his head. “No. You’re wrong. I know you mean well, Gaius, but you’re wrong.”

 

Merlin turned to leave, and Gaius called out to him before he left through the door. “Merlin. I lost you once before. Please don’t make me lose you again.”

 

Merlin glanced backwards, giving Gaius a small smile that wasn’t near as comforting as it was meant to be. “You won’t. I promise.”


	9. Broken Trust

Three days went by, and Merlin’s mind never left Morgana. Did someone explain to her why he wasn’t there, or did he just leave to never come back without any explanation? Is she alone all day? Is she still having nightmares? Does she wake from those nightmares alone and afraid? The answer to most of these questions, unfortunately, was surely yes. 

 

Arthur and Merlin had spoken very little in that time. Arthur had tried to start conversations on several occasions, only to be met with short answers if he got one at all. Concern eventually became frustration, which eventually became anger. 

 

“For god’s sake, Merlin.” Arthur finally broke the terse silence, and Merlin looked up from where he was folding Arthur’s clothes. “This has gone on long enough. Will you talk to me like an adult, or would you like to continue acting like a child?”

 

Merlin stared at him without saying anything for several seconds. “I don’t see what there is to say.”

 

“Doesn’t stop you most days.” Arthur bit back, papers on his desk forgotten. “Look. I know you’re angry, but you have no reason to be.”

 

“I have no reason to be?” Merlin questioned, shaking his head. “I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree with you on that one, sire.”

 

Arthur gave a frustrated groan. “She wasn’t doing you any good.”

 

“Isn’t that my choice to make? I can take care of myself.”

 

“No, Merlin. You can’t.” Arthur objected, voice dark. “If you could, you wouldn’t have gone missing, now would you?”

 

Merlin glared. “You said it yourself. You don’t trust me. That’s what this is about.” Merlin picked up the folded clothes and made his way towards the cabinet. “Maybe if you did, you’d trust my judgement.”

 

“Your judgement, in this instance, is impaired.”

 

“So you say. But you’re the king, so what you say is law, whether or not it’s true.”

 

“Merlin.” Arthur growled. “That’s enough. Get out of your mood and move on.”

 

Merlin looked so infuriated at that moment, that Arthur immediately regretted his words. Merlin slammed the cabinet shut and immediately went for the door, obviously deciding that fleeing the premise was the best option at the moment. 

 

“Merlin, wait.” Arthur sighed, and Merlin paused at the door, though he doesn’t turn. “You understand, right? Why I’m concerned. Why we’re all concerned.”

 

Merlin took in a breath. “Yes. Of course I do. That doesn’t make it right.”

 

“I thought you were dead.” His voice was soft enough that Merlin wasn’t sure if he was meant to hear it or not. “I thought you were captured on my watch and killed. I thought...”

 

Merlin’s voice was gentle in return. “I know.”

 

Arthur closed his eyes, rubbing the spot between them with a gloved hand. “What if… what if you do supervised visits. You can see her, but I’ll be with you to… I’ll be with you.”

 

Some of the tension seemed to leak out of Merlin’s shoulders, and a small smile formed across his face. “Thank you, sire.”

 

More relieved than he should have been to be back in Merlin’s good graces, Arthur sighed, leaning back in his chair. “We can go tomorrow morning. I have some free time after the council meeting.”

 

Merlin nodded, clearly pleased with the development, and Arthur had himself wondering what the hell he had agreed to. 

 

* * *

 

It was very clear to Merlin that Arthur was not looking forward to the visit with Morgana. He likely regretting even agreeing to it, but he was a man of his word. He would not go back on it now. That wasn’t something Merlin would usually take advantage of, but he had little choice in the matter this time.

 

Merlin knocked on the door, opening it when there was no response. Morgana gave the door a half glance when it opened, eyes widening upon seeing Merlin. She climbed off the bed, wrapping her arms around him in a tight grip. Then she saw the king behind him. She let go, taking several steps back. 

 

“It’s alright.” Merlin raised his hands in a placating manner. “He’s just going to stay with me while I’m here.”

 

Morgana’s eyes grew dark as she looked from Arthur to Merlin. “Why?”

 

“I...” Merlin began, taking a few steps towards her. She took one step back in response. “I can’t be here alone with you anymore.”

 

_ “Why?” _ Morgana asked again, fists clenched tightly.

 

Merlin sighed, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s just the way things have to be right now.”

 

She glared at Arthur for a long moment before turning her look completely on Merlin. “Where have you  _ been _ ?”

 

“I couldn’t come.”

 

“You couldn’t have let me know?”

 

“No. I couldn’t.” Morgana was trembling, Merlin noticed, and guilt poured in over him. True, it wasn’t his fault he hadn’t been here, but it was still his doing. “Morgana, it’s alright. I’m here now.”

 

He reached out a hand, but she jerked away, eyes going to Arthur once more. “What do  _ you  _ want?”

 

“He doesn’t want anything, Morgana.” Merlin tried, but Morgana ignored him.

 

Arthur raised an eyebrow. “I’m just keeping an eye on you.”

 

Morgana reached out, wrapping her hand around Merlin’s wrist, and yanking him towards her. It was a fast enough move that it was almost painful. “What do you think I’ll do? Kill him?”

 

“Maybe.” Arthur replied calmly. “But no, that’s not my primary concern.”

 

Merlin reached down to unhinge her fingers from his wrist, but she held fast, only tightening under his attempts to escape. Merlin held back any gasps of pain, knowing full well how Arthur would take them.

 

“Am I not allowed to have one friend in my imprisonment?” Morgana snarled. “Or do you want to take that away, too.”

 

“Morgana…” Merlin tried but was ignored by both parties.

 

“I didn’t have to bring you here.” Arthur said, his calm facade beginning to fade. “I did it because you’re my sister, and I didn’t want to see you suffer. But that doesn’t mean I will allow you to hurt and manipulate the people of this kingdom.”

 

“Fine.” Morgana bit out, shoving Merlin towards Arthur hard enough to make him stumble into the king. “Take him. I don’t care.”

 

“Fine.” Arthur echoed, heading towards the door.

 

“No. Wait.” Merlin took a few steps towards Morgana, forcing Arthur to pause. “It’s just a supervised visit. That’s all. It’s not that big of a deal, Morgana.”

 

Morgana obviously seemed to disagree with that, but her eyes seem to soften slightly upon seeing the pleading look on Merlin’s face. “I don’t want him here.”

 

“We don’t have a choice.” Merlin reached out again, and this time she allowed it. “If you say no to this, I will never be able to see you. It’s this or nothing.”

 

Morgana was silent for several moments, taking a few deep breaths. “Alright.”

 

A small smile formed over Merlin’s lips. “Okay. Yeah.”

 

Arthur looked less than pleased with the development, but said nothing. He crossed his arms and leaned up against the door.

 

There was another long, awkward silence before Merlin finally broke it. “Did you have any nightmares these last few nights?”

 

Morgana glanced at Arthur quickly, obviously unsure as to whether or not to reveal the information in front of the king. She gave Merlin a shallow nod after a moment. “Yes.”

 

Merlin sighed, noticing the dark bags underneath her eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want Gaius to make you a draft? I know they didn’t help with the visions very much, but these aren’t visions.”

 

“Yes, I’m sure.”

 

“Why not?” Arthur interjected, earning a glare from Merlin in the process. “You wanted Merlin to sleep in here because of your nightmares, yet you won’t accept a remedy when it’s offered.”

 

“Arthur…” Merlin began, but Morgana stopped him.

 

“Gaius tried to drug away my magic for  _ years _ . He knew what I was, but he tried to hide it from me. Those  _ drafts  _ were his solution to all my problems.” Morgana took a step towards Arthur. “I don’t want  _ anything  _ from him.”

 

Arthur said nothing after that, and Merlin closed his eyes. Arthur wasn’t supposed to talk. True, they never agreed on that specifically, but Merlin thought that would have been obvious. 

 

“I can make it.” Merlin said, turning Morgana’s attention back to himself. “If you want. I know how. If you don’t want Gaius to make it.” 

 

Morgana hesitated. “I…”

 

“It has to be better than these nightmares, right?” Merlin asked. “I can bring you one tonight. Whether or not you take it is up to you, but it’s an option. Okay?”

 

Morgana gave him a slow nod, and Merlin smiled. 

 

Another fifteen minutes went by before Arthur finally made a ‘finish it up’ motion to Merlin.

 

Merlin sighed. “I have to go.” 

 

“Will you be back tomorrow?” 

 

Merlin looked back to Arthur, who shook his head in a negative. Merlin’s shoulders fell, and he turned back towards Morgana. “No, I’m sorry. But I’ll be back soon. And I’ll have someone bring up that draft tonight. Alright?” 

 

Morgana gave another slow nod, and Merlin squeezed her arm with a small smile. 

 

“Everything’s going to be fine.” Merlin tried, and when he didn’t get a response. He left with Arthur. “I hope you’re pleased.” Merlin said once they were alone.

 

“Excuse me?” Arthur raised an eyebrow.

 

“She was just starting to get settled here before you made me stay away for three days.” Merlin shook his head. “You couldn’t have even let me tell her I wasn’t going to be there anymore.”

 

“Are you really going to do this, Merlin?” Arthur’s eyes narrowed on his servant. 

 

“No.” Merlin relented. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about her.”

 

“I know you are.” Arthur shook his head gently. “I just wish you weren’t.”

 

“Me, too.” Merlin said after a moment. “Me, too”

 

* * *

 

Merlin looked back from the book to the vial, adding the ingredients as instructed. Gaius entered the room seconds later, raising his eyebrow at the scene before him. “What are you making?”

 

“Sleeping draft.” Merlin answered and began stirring the mixture gently. 

 

“I already have some of those prepared.” Gaius walked towards a cabinet, pulling out a premeasured amount. 

 

Merlin winced, looking up Gaius sheepishly. “I told her I’d make it myself.” He sighed, seeing the look on the older man’s face. “I know you were only trying to help her. She’s just… she doesn’t want your drafts, but she’s still having nightmares. I told her I’d make her some myself.”

 

Gaius was silent for several seconds. “So. You’ve gone to see her again?”

 

“Arthur went with me.” Merlin clarified. “He says I can only go with an escort.”

 

“Hm.” 

 

Merlin sighed, shaking his head. “Why can’t you just trust me?”

 

“I  _ do  _ trust you, my boy.” Gaius sat himself down on the bench next to him. “I just don’t want you hurt again.”

 

“I won’t be.” He gave the older man a half smile. “She’s powerless, remember?” Merlin reached for the newly made mixture, pouring it into a glass bottle. “I better go deliver this, then.”

 

Gaius raised an eyebrow as Merlin began walking towards the door. “I thought you weren’t allowed to go alone?”

 

“It’s just a delivery.” Merlin shrugged. “Arthur won’t mind.” At the look Gaius gave him, Merlin retracted the statement. “Okay. He would probably mind, but he doesn’t need to know. No harm done!”

 

Merlin didn’t stay for the reprimand, instead opting to leave the room as quickly as possible. 

 

* * *

 

When Gwen proposed the idea of accompanying Merlin to see Morgana instead, Arthur was quick to refuse. However, the logic of the situation made it difficult for him to do so. Morgana wasn’t a physical danger to either of them. It would be two on one either way, and without her magic or a weapon, she wasn’t much of a threat. The only reason for Arthur to be there was simply to overhear the conversations. Therefore Gwen, who was not nearly as hated by Morgana as Arthur, was the obvious choice.

 

That didn’t mean Arthur had to like it. 

 

Morgana, while still not liking the extra company, didn’t have as many objections. True, Gwen had stolen her throne, but that was Arthur’s doing at the end of the day. And they had been friends once. That time was far in the past, however. 

 

Gwen had sat herself down in a chair by the wall, watching the two of them interacting with more curiosity than mistrust.  

 

“Did you take the draft?” Merlin asked, sitting down on the bed next to Morgana.

 

“Yes.” Morgana said after a moment, turning her head towards the empty bottle on the bedside table.

 

“And?”

 

“It… helped.” She relented, but it was obvious there was more. She continued with a sigh when Merlin raised his eyebrow. “It helped me fall asleep, but it didn’t stop the nightmares.”

 

“Oh.” Merlin furrowed his eyebrows. “Maybe I made it wrong. I’ll try again tonight, see if I can make it stronger.” Morgana gave Merlin a knowing look, and he shrugged. “Maybe. If I need to.”

 

The words made little sense to Gwen, but the meaning was clear to the two of them. Magic. Merlin could use magic to make the draft stronger. 

 

That night had Merlin remaking the same draft as the night before, with one minor difference. 

 

_ “Eaca afol ond cræft.”  _ Merlin whispered over the newly bottled potion. His eyes glowed gold, and the liquid shimmered for several seconds before fading back to its usual appearance. Merlin picked up the draft, grinning. 

 

The sound of the door creaking behind him made Merlin jump, and he turned to look, but there was no one there. He stared at the door for a long moment in confusion before hesitantly looking back towards his work. Whoever had made the noise was gone now. 

 

It was too late to call for a servant to deliver the draft now, and the guards would be less inclined to let him enter Morgana’s room at this hour of the night. Plus, she could already be asleep by now. The delivery would just have to wait until tomorrow. 

 

* * *

 

“Where’s Gwen?” Merlin asked as Arthur approached.

 

“I’m going with you this time.” Arthur replied, his tone less than friendly.

 

“Oh.” Merlin turned the glass bottle in his hand. “Okay.”

 

“Is that a problem?” The king turned, staring at him with calculating eyes that made the boy feel a little more than uncomfortable.

 

“No. Of course not.” He mumbled. It wasn’t that he minded Arthur’s company. He quite enjoyed it most of the time- just not with Morgana.

 

Morgana’s head perked up they moment they entered, a frown forming across her lips when she spotted Arthur.

 

“I brought you this.” Merlin held up the bottled draft, attempting to bring her attention away from the other man. “I made it stronger, so it should help.”

 

Morgana smiled, taking the draft. “Thank you.” She placed it on the bedside table next to the empty bottle. “I’m sure it’ll be  _ much _ better.”

 

Merlin rolled his eyes. Obviously she found the idea of talking about magic secretly in front of the king to be amusing. It was not. 

 

Arthur was unusually silent throughout the visit. Merlin half-expected him to interject on multiple occasions, but he remained eerily quiet. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if it weren’t just so odd. 

 

He didn’t even say anything when it was time to leave. He almost seemed to be glaring at Morgana, though why he would be doing so was a mystery to Merlin. Besides the obvious, of course. 

 

The tension in the King’s chambers was obvious the moment Merlin entered hours later with Arthur’s dinner. 

 

“It all makes so much sense now.”

 

Merlin raised an eyebrow, placing the dishes on the table. Arthur was sitting at his desk, resting his chin on his interlocked fingers. “Sire?”

 

“You. Her. What she did to you. It makes sense now.”

 

“What she did to me?” Merlin tried, concern growing with every second. “Arthur, what are you talking about.”

 

“She forced you to learn magic, didn’t she?”

 

Merlin’s eyes widened, and he shook his head quickly. “No. No, she didn’t. I swear.”

 

“She turned you against me.” Arthur’s voice was surprisingly calm, filled with more resignation than anger. “That was her goal in all of this I suppose. She took you and forced you to learn magic until it corrupted you like it did her. Then she gave you back to me. Putting an enemy in the heart of Camelot.”

 

“No!” Merlin cried, taking several steps towards the desk. “I swear to you, Arthur. It isn’t true. She didn’t teach me magic. I’m loyal to you!”

 

“No. No you’re not.” Arthur said quietly. “Or you wouldn’t be lying to me.”

 

“I’m not lying!”

 

“I saw you.”

 

Merlin was silent for a long moment before the realization finally came over him. “The draft. You saw me enchanting the draft.” Arthur didn’t nod, but he didn’t have to. “I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. You have to believe me. The regular drafts weren’t working. I was just trying to make it stronger. I would never use my magic against you. Or Camelot!”

 

Arthur shook his head, looking more morose than Merlin had seen him in a long time. “She did this to you, Merlin. We’ll fix this, I swear. We’ll make her fix this.”

 

“No!” Merlin slammed his hands on the desk, desperate for Arthur to just look at him. “She didn’t teach me magic. I’ve… I’ve always had magic. I was born with it. And I use it for you, Arthur. Only for you. To protect you.”

 

“Did she tell you this?”

 

“No!” Merlin cried, desperation building. “You’re not listening to me. Morgana didn’t even know about my magic until she captured me, but I’ve used it hundreds- thousands of times before then.”

 

Arthur finally looked up at those words. “You were using magic even before you were captured?”

 

“Yes.” Merlin said, relieved that Arthur was finally listening. 

 

But if anything, Arthur just looked more upset. His sadness slowly turning into anger. “You weren’t even captured, were you?”

 

“Arthur?”

 

“You’ve been working with her since the beginning.” Arthur stood suddenly, taking large steps towards Merlin until they were nearly touching. “You were always her friend. You helped her get into Camelot. You’re the reason she’s even here! What is this, some kind of grand scheme to take the throne? Infiltrate from within?”

 

“No!” Merlin pleaded, trying to reach out to Arthur. Arthur took a step back to avoid his hand, eyes furious. “Please, Arthur. I’m loyal to you. I’ve always been loyal to you.”

 

“Maybe you were once.” Arthur said quietly. “But it’s obvious where your true loyalties lie now.” Merlin shook his head, but Arthur didn’t let him speak. “I will allow you to live in memory of once was, but I want you gone. Go. Take her and go.”

 

“Arthur, please. You don’t understand.”

 

“Go.”

 

“Arthur…”

 

And then there was a sword at Merlin’s throat. “Leave. Now.” Arthur nearly growled. “Or I will kill you where you stand.”

 

Tears had begun to fill Merlin’s eyes as he looked between Arthur and the sword inches from his neck. “What-” Merlin, swallowed. “What about the guards? They won’t let me leave with her.”

 

“You’re a sorcerer.” Arthur snarled. “I’m sure you can figure it out.”

 

Merlin shook his head, mouth gaping. “You want me to use magic on your guards?”

 

Despite Arthur’s words, that was not, in fact, what he wanted. It was several long minutes before Leon arrived as requested, watching Arthur’s drawn sword with unease as he entered. 

 

“Sir Leon.” Arthur began, his eyes never leaving Merlin’s. “Escort Merlin to Morgana’s chambers, and then escort them both to the gate. If they attempt to resist in any way, kill them.”

 

“Sire?” Leon began, beyond confused.

 

“Now.” Arthur’s tone left no room for negotiation. 

 

Leon merely nodded, though his remaining concern was obvious. “Yes, sire.”

 

Merlin gave Arthur once last shaky glance before leaving the room with Leon and began heading towards Morgana’s chambers.

 

“Merlin.” Leon finally said, noting the tear tracks on the boy’s face. “Merlin, what happened?”

 

Merlin shook his head rapidly, unable to speak. He had yet to respond to the question when they reached Morgana’s chambers at last. 

 

“Morgana.” Merlin gasped as he entered the room, making her turn suddenly in surprise. “We have to go. We have to leave.”

 

“Merlin, what’s wrong?” She grabbed at his arms, trying and failing to get him to look at her. “What happened?”

 

“We have to go.” Merlin repeated. “We have to go now.” He clenched his eyes shut, making more tears fall.

 

Morgana looked ready to argue- to demand an explanation- but held her tongue. This wasn’t the time or place. She’d get her answers later. “Alright. Let’s go.”

 

She looked up at Leon, who appeared just as confused, but led the two of them out of the city nonetheless.

 

“Merlin.” Leon called out as they began to leave. Merlin glanced backwards with red-rimmed eyes. Leon wouldn’t pretend to know what exactly was happening, but it didn’t matter. Not really. Merlin was a good man and a good friend. “Be careful. And good luck.”

 

Merlin nodded before turning back towards the forest. They needed to leave. They had a lot of ground to cover and very little safety to be found. It was difficult for Merlin to care anyhow, though. Everything was ruined, and there was no way to fix it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Eaca afol ond cræft.” (Supplement strength and power)
> 
> One more to go...


	10. Forgotten Endings

Morgana had been prepared to follow Merlin wherever he led her, but took the lead when it was clear he had no idea where he was going.

 

“Merlin?” Morgana tried not the for the first time since they arrived at the same abandoned castle they had spent so much time in before. “Please. Tell me what happened.”

 

“He knows, Morgana.” Merlin couldn’t stop his hands from trembling as he spoke. “He saw me using magic to enchant the draft. He… he thinks I’m a traitor. That I’ve betrayed him. That I’m trying to help you bring him down. He… he _hates_ me, Morgana.”

 

Sobs wracked Merlin’s body, and Morgana reached forward, pulling him into a tight embrace. This is what Arthur had done. Merlin was a strong soul, and Arthur had shattered him into pieces.

 

“It’s alright. You don’t need him. He’s a monster, just like I said.”

 

“No.” Merlin shook his head against her chest. “He isn’t. He’s just angry. I should have- gods, I should have told him before. Then he wouldn’t have found out like this.”

 

Morgana pulled him away, forcing him to look her in the eyes. “This was not your fault. Don’t you dare try to put the blame on yourself. Arthur is to blame, not you.”

 

Merlin shook his head once more. “No. It is my fault. I should have trusted him.”

 

“He cast you out the moment he found out!” Morgana yelled in frustration. “You’ve been nothing but loyal to him, and this is his reaction? He didn’t deserve your loyalty. He didn’t deserve you, Merlin.”

 

Merlin didn’t respond, but it was obvious he didn’t agree. Finally his eyes fell on the magic-restraining bands still on her wrists. “We don’t have the key. Arthur does.” His hands went for the bands. “Maybe… maybe I can take them off with magic.”

 

Morgana frowned. “It won’t be easy. They’re meant to repel magic after all.”

 

“Well.” Merlin sniffed, trying to smile. “What’s the point in having magic if things are meant to be easy?”

 

Morgana grinned, handing her wrists over to Merlin. “Alright. Give it a try.”

 

Merlin grabbed the bands, closing his eyes. _“_ _Fulfealdan.” (Open)_ . Merlin peaked one eye open, sighing when the bands remained in place. _“Líhting.” (Release)_ . Again, there was nothing. “Okay. New approach.” Merlin rubbed his hands together, whistling in a breath. _“Abrecan.” (Destroy)._

 

The bands didn’t open as Morgana expected, but rather disintegrated into dust.

 

Morgana raised an eyebrow, eyeing the pile of waste left behind. “What was that?”

 

Merlin shrugged. “If you can’t open the lock with magic, destroy the lock.”

 

Having her own power swell back into her was a relief. Having it taken from her not once but twice was not an experience she would ever like to go through again.

 

Her relief faded after a moment when she saw Merlin’s own smile fading. She sighed, wrapping her arms around him once again. “I’m sorry. I know you’re upset, but this is for the best, don’t you think? You have magic. Your place was never at Arthur’s side.”

 

Merlin squeezed his eyes shut against her. “I… I just always hoped that when he found out, he would be able accept me and my magic- that he would understand, or at least try to understand. I knew it was a long shot, but… he didn’t even let me explain. I...” He clenched his hand in Morgana’s dress. “I just wish things hadn’t ended like this.”

 

“It was always going to end like this.” Morgana whispered. “I should have never let him take you back from me.”

 

“No.” Merlin shook his head. “That was my choice, and I don’t regret it. He’s still my friend. I’m glad I got to see him again.”

 

Morgana furrowed her eyebrows. “How can you say that? He betrayed you.”

 

“He’s been misguided in magic.” Merlin said quietly. “I hoped I could change that, but I couldn’t. He’s still a good man. He just doesn’t know the truth.”

 

Morgana held back her anger, tightening her hold on him. It wasn’t his fault. He was so devoted to Arthur that he couldn’t even see the man for who he was. It would be up to her to change that. It would be up to her to bring him out of this darkness.

 

“We should get some rest.” Morgana whispered. “It’s been a long day.”

 

Merlin nodded against her and allowed her to lead him to the bedroom she had been forced to abandon many months ago.

 

Arthur had created this darkness, and Morgana would destroy it.

 

* * *

 

Several weeks went by with little change from Merlin. It was difficult, Morgana knew, to be hated by a man you’ve shown such loyalty to. In the beginning, Morgana was prepared to give him time to adjust, but it soon became apparent that no amount of time was ever going to fix the pain Arthur caused him.

 

It just made what she had to do even easier.

 

“Morgana?” Merlin called out, peeking his head around the halls. “Morgana, where are you?”

 

There was no response, which made Merlin grumble in annoyance. “Bit old for hide and seek, don’t you think?”

 

Merlin sighed, sitting himself down at Morgana’s desk. She didn’t tell him she was leaving. She didn’t have to, Merlin supposed, but it would have been nice to let him know.

 

He glanced over at the book of magic sitting on her desk, picking it up to skim some of the pages. It was nothing special, and it hardly had any spells in it anyways.

 

It was the paper underneath the book that was far more interesting.

 

Merlin picked up the paper, furrowing his eyebrows at the content. It was a location and a date but nothing more. Was this where Morgana was? The date was today, but the location was in Camelot’s territory. Surely she wouldn’t go there. And what would be the purpose anyways? Sure, with her magic she could defend herself fine, but why go to Camelot in the first place?

 

A cold chill ran through Merlin’s body. No. No, she wouldn’t.

 

She wouldn’t.

 

But she would.

 

* * *

 

“Morgana!” Merlin called out, slowing his sprint as he approached the two forms. Fortunately, Morgana had left only an hour or so before Merlin, and with his rushed pace, he had managed to catch up before it was too late. Barely.

 

Arthur was on the ground, sword lying several feet behind Morgana. She had her own sword, holding it inches above the king’s neck.

 

“Morgana.” He repeated, heaving in heavy breaths. “What are you doing?”

 

There were several dead bodies strewn about- all caped in Camelot’s red cloaks. With Morgana’s magic back, there was no way to stop her rampage.

 

Arthur’s eyes never left the sword leveled at him, nor did Morgana’s leave Arthur, but she spoke nonetheless. “You shouldn’t be here, Merlin.”

 

“Please, Morgana. Step away. You don’t have to do this.” Merlin took a few more steps forward, his legs shaky.

 

“Why are you defending him? After what he did to you?” Morgana pressed the sword down further, making Arthur arch his neck away. “How can you still defend him?”

 

“Because this isn’t the way to do things! This isn’t the answer!” Merlin cried desperately. _Please don’t do this. Please don’t make me stop you._

 

“It’s the only answer!” Morgana yelled back, still refusing to turn to look at Merlin. “This is the only way!”

 

“Morgana…” Merlin pleaded. “This is about me, right? About what he did to me. This isn’t what I want. I was the one he hurt. I should get to choose what happens to him, and this isn’t what I want. I don’t want him _dead_ .” _Never dead. No. Not Arthur. Never Arthur._

 

“You were wrong, Merlin.” Morgana said slowly, her voice almost gentle. “You’ve convinced yourself that Arthur is different from his father. You’ve fooled yourself so well that you even fooled me for awhile, but you were wrong. I see that now- clearer than ever before. He’s no different than Uther. He will _never_ change.”

 

“Morgana…” Merlin tried once more, reaching for Arthur’s forgotten sword with trembling fingers. “Please. We can go. We can run away- you and me. Together. That’s what you want, right? We can go far, far away where no one will ever find us. We can forget all of this. We can forget Camelot. Forget Arthur.” Merlin breathed in heavy breaths, walking towards Morgana until they could touch if they reached out. Morgana still didn’t turn. “Please, Morgana. Come with me. Leave this all behind. _Please_ .” _Please. Please. Gods, please. Take the offer. Please. Don’t make me stop you. Please. Please. Please._

 

“I’m sorry.” Morgana breathed. “I have to do this.” She raised the sword, preparing to bring it down on Arthur.

 

But then a sword ripped through her own chest instead.

 

She looked down, watching the blade retreat to where it once came, leaving a gaping, bleeding hole behind. Morgana lost her grip on her own sword, and Arthur just barely maneuvered out of its way as it fell. Merlin’s arms were around her seconds later, lowering her to the ground.

 

Morgana tried to struggle against it at first, against the hold of the traitor, but she had no strength to do so.

 

“I’m sorry.” Merlin whispered, burying his face in Morgana’s shoulder as he held her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” _I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

 

Tears streamed down his face and an ugly sob began to build in his throat. Held in his grip, Morgana couldn’t help but think back to a conversation they had had so very long ago.

 

_“Please don’t make me choose between the two of you.”_

 

Between Arthur and herself, she was never going to win- no matter how much she thought she might have been able to. No matter how much she tried.

 

She had made him choose. And she had lost.

 

“I’m sorry.” Merlin continued, breathing out each word without pause. His grip on her tightened with each passing second. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

 

And then it all made sense. It all made so much sense.

 

“You’re Emrys.”

 

Merlin looked surprised by the name, his mouth gaping slightly. It looked ridiculous on his tear-stricken face. It was true. He was Emrys. He was her doom.

 

Funny how destiny played her game. Her cruel, cruel game.

 

Morgana took a final breath before falling stiller than ever before. Merlin let out a another gasping sob, running a hand through her hair as more tears blurred his vision.

 

She was dead.

 

Morgana Pendragon was dead.

 

And Emrys had killed her.

 

* * *

 

“In light of recent… events.” Arthur began, folding his hands across his desk. “I’m willing to make an exception for you, Merlin.”

 

Merlin didn’t turn. He continued to stare out the window, unable to meet the eyes of his king.

 

“If you swear to me never to use magic again, you will be allowed to stay in Camelot. No one needs to know what you’ve done. We can go back to the way it used to be.” Arthur paused, sighing when he didn’t get a reaction out of the boy. “Merlin…”

 

“No.” Merlin finally said but didn’t elaborate.

 

Arthur ran a hand over his face. “You have to realize the kind of position you’re putting me in.”

 

“No.” Merlin said again, shaking his head. “I’ll leave Camelot. You won’t have to worry about it.”

 

“Merlin…” Arthur tried, eyebrows furrowing. “We can fix this.”

 

“It’s probably for the best if we never see each other again.”

 

Morgana wasn’t the only one to make Merlin choose. Arthur may have won, but that didn’t mean forgiveness. Arthur had made him choose, and in doing so, forced him to lose the woman he loved.

 

Arthur stared at him for a long moment, watching Merlin’s expression. This was the way it was going to be. There would be no changing his mind. “Yeah.” He finally said after a long moment.

 

Merlin nodded and made for the door.

 

“Merlin.” Arthur called out at the last moment, but Merlin didn’t turn. “I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

 

Merlin was silent for several seconds. “I’ll be gone by morning.”

 

And true to Merlin’s word, Arthur never saw him again.

 

Two years later, when Arthur repealed the ban on magic, he spent the entire day by the window, waiting for the familiar mop of black hair to re-enter the gates.

 

But it never did.

 

THE END

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


End file.
